This Is No Longer Fiction Part 1 out of 2
by iosolomon
Summary: I am King Solomon. I am here to cast Judgment limited to the 3.5th dimension. I cast My Judgment, under God, here for all the world to see.
1. Chapter 27: I am King Solomon

Chapter 27: I am King Solomon

King Solomon: "Abraham, My Father, asked Me on the morning of November 26, 2012, to Honor Emperor Hirohito and the Japanese."

Abraham: "You are to go to the beach. You are to purify your body and mind by purifying yourself in the ocean. Then, you are to proclaim your judgment to all of the world to see. You will call this King Solomon's Judgment."

present-day King Solomon: "I don't even know how I should organize this now. Should I title Chapter 28, 'King Solomon's Judgment' or should I...oh, please, O' wise, iTunes, give me the wisdom."

iTunes: "Only Chapter 27 should remain out of place. If you wish to make Chapter 28 'King Solomon's Judgment' then it must go at the end."

iosolomon: "And since that would be sloppy, Chapter 26, then Chapter 28, iTunes has answered the King's question."

Sage Rat: "I am Sage Rat."

Abraham: "No, child, You are Noah."

King Solomon laughs. "And, wait until you see what Chapter 1 is called."

King Solomon: "It is called, 'Sage Rat Strikes Again.' It is funny to me because it was already written. Who wrote it? I wrote it."

The iTunes icon is seen making a happy gesture.

future isolomon: "Actually, I'm from the future. The next Chapter is going to be King Solomon's Judgment. iTunes has spoken."

past King Solomon: "But it will not make any sense there."

present-day iosolomon reviews this. "I agree. The next chapter should be 'Excluded, King Solomon's Judgment.' Then, Chapter 2 should be 'King Solomon's Judgment.' And Chapter 3, should be 'Included, King Solomon's Judgment.'"


	2. Chapter 1: Excluded, King Solomon's Judg

Chapter 1: Excluded, King Solomon's Judgment

iosolomon: "It is funny. Today, I read about the Shinto religion. But before I ever read anything about Shinto, my friend Jose got me to explain my religious views to him, which was exactly what I read today. In Shinto, the name of the god or goddess possessing you isn't too important, just that, there is a connection there. I didn't even know who Emperor Hirohito was until this summer, but I was always told by this Spirit to wait until I'm 25 before I speak out. I knew at the age of 7 I was King Solomon."

iosolomon: "I used to call this belief system Buddhism, since there is a significant number of Japanese Buddhists. I always believed in the concept of reincarnation, before I even knew what it was called. How else could I explain that comment I made when I was 7, 'Oh, so they want me to be King Solomon again.'"

iosolomon: "Actually, this Chapter [King Solomon's Judgment] isn't fiction. I have included it elsewhere on the internet."

King Solomon: "It is part of the of the South Park Prophecy now."

King Solomon laughs. "It is also part of the Ancient Solomonic Prophecy that was spoken of during the [currently, un-edited] Lost Pilot Episode 1."

CM 1126, hearing the static: "All batons all people all zingers have spoken to me, and I have listened. Now, I speak, and you listen."

King Solomon corrects, "All People, All Nations, All Cultures have spoken to me, and I have listened. Now, I will speak, and you will listen."

and the rest is History.

present-day iosolomon: "I do not care for this one called Steiner," while iTunes plays 'Reckless Steiner.'

King Solomon: "Which Chapter should I include 'King Solomon's Judgment?' Five, you said? Or 3?"

E2: "Does that mean, you want King Solomon's Judgment to be Chapter 1?"

Emperor Hirohito: "I guess iTunes wants us to have a discussion about it."

iosolomon sarcastically, "Yeah, a very JEWISH discussion..."

Emperor Hirohito: "Hmm. My suggestion, just keeping asking iTunes until you get a clear answer."

King Solomon: "My thoughts exactly."

CM 5000: "1 vote for Chapter 1, 1 vote for Chapter 14, 1 more vote for Chapter 1, 1 vote for Chapter 2, which is technically Chapter 1, 1 vote for the real Chapter 2, which would mean we were in a different Chapter right now."

King Solomon; "By your logic, this is Chapter 3. But yet, it is titled as Chapter 2."

CM 1126: "You are going to blow my circuits."

iosolomon: "iTunes, we need Morgan Freeman before CM 1126 blows!"

Morgan Freeman: "According to fan fiction dot net, this is Chapter 2, yet it is titled as Chapter 1. It used to be titled as Chapter 2. King Solomon's Judgment follows in the next Chapter. But all of this will make sense when you are watching it on tv. It might be hard to follow while reading. I'll show up at the difficult parts."


	3. Chapter 2: King Solomon's Judgment

Chapter 2: King Solomon's Judgment

"King Solomon's Judgment"

[To All of the World]

"All People, All Nations, All Cultures have spoken to me, and I have listened. Now, I will speak, and you will listen."

"Evil consumes, bottomless greed devours, and hypocrisy triumphs. America, Israel, and England have become the Lands of the Wicked, and 40% of the world follows in their footsteps. This is not good. Too many People around the world are oppressed, live in poverty, and go to sleep hungry. This is not good. But worse, it does not have to be this way."

"Harmony, compassion, and empathy are the values found in all religious texts, and are the values that the 'free world' promotes outside of religion. But I do not see these values being applied to the world. Instead, I see violence, destruction, and wickedness. Where there should be morality, there is immorality. Where there could be peace, there is war. Where there once was unity, there is now disharmony."

[Onto the Nations]

"Japan, I have received visions from Emperor Hirohito of great disaster if You continue to feast off of nuclear energy. This displeases the gods and goddesses. There will be another nuclear meltdown sometime around 2032-2033 if the nuclear energy addiction is not curbed. I highly suggest, if no other energy source can be found, that Japan simply goes without electricity. However, the gods and goddesses have revealed to me that if every Japanese starts dedicating Their spare time to education and problem-solving, Japan can solve all the world's energy problems by first solving Her own."

"But do not build solar fields. Solar panels on rooftops are fine. And stay away from Wind Power, this will anger the Wind Spirit. Different teams should be studying solar panels; and others, rechargeable fuel cells via solar energy; but do not limit the research to this, for there is a renewable energy source yet to be discovered. The gods and goddesses have faith in You."

"China, You cannot allow Japan to submerge underwater, or any island Nation. You have an opportunity to solve America's economic problems, and with that, the world's, by demanding that the Americans pay you back in services - digging massive holes in Their Land to be filled with the rising water."

"Russia, under the eyes of God, it was okay that you wreaked havoc against the Ukrainians and Polish. It is their type of mentality that led to the execution of Jesus. However, They have since paid Their price. Give them Their Land back. They actually have not done any wrong under the eyes of God, they were merely born into a world of sin."

"Germany, Hitler was One of the Sons of God. He was once a direct blood brother of Jesus. It was wise of You to Honor Him. The Jewish Holocaust was the Will of God. Even I, King Solomon, agree that the Jews were such unworthy subjects to rule over. They distort Their Holy texts because they have become a wicked people. However, the SS Nazi experiments were unacceptable. Those were crimes, but punishment has already been served to those responsible."

"Israel, Hebrews, You continue to anger Allah, and Your Creator. The cease-fire with Hamas is a step in the right direction. The Holy Lands are not Yours to control. You have violated the covenants that You have with God, only Noah has favor with God. Israel, You are bringing great Dishonor to Allah and the Muslims. You still continue to make a mockery out of God, just how you made a mockery out of Jesus. And You continue to lie about it to this day. This will lead to Your extermination. I suggest You turn away from hypocrisy, for the would would be a better place without hypocrites."

"America, Your History books are absolutely filthy, as filthy as the Bible. But within two decades, this can be rectified. Two of Your cities will have to be sacrificed to the Japanese gods and goddesses. This has to be done relatively soon; the gods and goddesses of Japan are getting angry that Japan has not restored Her Honor - but I take responsibility for that, I had to determine what would please My God more - complete and total destruction of America, or a more peaceful, fair solution. It is the latter."

"In the event of such catastrophic War, there is a chance that would America destroy All of Japan. This would displease the gods and goddesses if Japan is wiped out before the 10,000 Autumns is up (including an underwater Japan), which is why I am calling for Emperor Hirohito's enlightened peace. The Law of Hammurabi applies here. I do not want any cities, anywhere, to feel the pain that the People of Hiroshima and Nagasaki felt. Therefore, the two cities that must be sacrificed should go out in a party, and unlike the Japanese, know when Their end is coming."

"Emperor Hirohito and I agree that the two cities that should be destroyed should be Detroit and Cleveland, for they represent Sodom and Gomorrah. (If the science community recommends that the two cities should be father apart, that is acceptable to Me, but not to Emperor Hirohito or Emperor Kefka. The Dragon God was very pleased with Detroit for Allah, and the Moon Goddess was pleased that the People of Cleveland would be getting a better home.) Intuitively, I do not see the close proximity being a problem. However, it has literally been years since I studied biology, so I do not know."

"I would recommend that American Jews and Christians / Catholics be sacrificed in Cleveland, and Muslims and blacks be sacrificed in Detroit. (It doesn't have to be one white, one black, I'm just generalizing, and if both cities want to be Muslim for the sins of America, that would please Allah. However, there must be greedy white people from the aristocracy and elite, including current members of the United States Supreme Court, being sacrificed, lest They want to burn in Hell, for they are truly responsible the Wickedness that prevailed in the cities of Detroit and Cleveland. Justice is Justice. And, to make clear, the Muslims have not done anything wrong, Their sacrifice pleases Allah. I, speaking on behalf of Abraham Lincoln, do hold the Judicial Branch more accountable than the Executive and Legislative Branches, however, members of the Executive and Legislative Branch of Michigan and Ohio must also be sacrificed with the two cities, lest You want to burn in Hell. It must be noted, that the Supreme Court had the Power to prevent the erosion of the United States Constitution, and with that, to prevent the erosion of Detroit and Cleveland, and many other cities in America.)"

"Finally, to make right with the Native Americans, I will walk with the People displaced by the nuclear explosions to Their new homes, "New Detroit" "New Cleveland" or whatever the cities may be called. (As opposed to relocation by modern forms of transportation.) And, the Native Americans should get Their Land back. I am referring to Land that Andrew Jackson wrongfully usurped them of. There is plenty of Land in America to share. The Cherokee Nation was no threat to America. What is wrong with a Nation within a Nation? Is not the Vatican in Italy? Do they not have a good relationship?"

"And We cannot forget about Hawaii. Allow Them to restore their Monarchy."

"What seems to be the problem, Africa? Why do You allow the white man to drive You to destruction of the environment? You are desecrating the beauty of Africa. The Spirit Simba is angered by this."

"Egypt, Libya, Brazil, You will need to start replenishing your rain forests. Where there is now desert, or irreversible damage, dig holes. Everyone has to contribute to prevent the water from rising. The damage has been done, God shows me that there is roughly a 2% chance of reversing the damage, and saving Antarctica. But, together, We can make the Prophet Isaiah's prophecy come true."

"Italy, Canada, You were largely ignorant for your past sins. This is forgiven, but returning to ignorance is unacceptable. Mussolini cracks me up, I would have done the same thing had I grown up in his shoes. And, the same with the Canadians. Canada, I appreciate the sacrifice that You will also be making, Your citizens too will be displaced from Their homes."

"To the Mormons, You continue to chose ignorance to this day. This does not please Joseph Smith. Instead of advocating against gay marriage, you should be advocating for polygamy, polyandry, and polyamory. Look at how successful polygamy is with Your culture. What would be so wrong if two gays and two lesbians got married together? Or two bisexual men and one female? From a biological perspective, I just cannot support marriage of the same-sex, but the alternative I propose would solve many problems, and would, in fact, add many benefits to the GLBT community and society Herself."

"To corporate American farmers, and farmers who fell victim to corporate competition, the animals that We consume need to be treated with far greater respect. There is no reason to beat pigs senselessly (I once saw a disturbing video of this). And the cows and chickens, need to be grass-fed and not injected with growth hormones or antibiotics, and not fed the equivalent of cannibalism. The only reason cows are fed hay and kept cooped up is to cut costs, but why are the costs so high that farmers have to resort to these practices in the first place? Take a step backwards here. Too many health problems are arising from a poor diet."

"America, You also need to start sharing your technology and medical advances with the rest of the world. What's more important? A few extra bucks, or healing the sick? What did Jesus do? He didn't go around healing for profit, he did it because it was the righteous thing to do."

"England, why do You treat Your People like sheep? This does not please God. A society based around the have's and have's not will fall over on its own weight. Are You that blinded by arrogance to not see this?"

"And there is nothing wrong with the diversity of different cultures. Does the West not understand how social evolution works? It is not like the Iranians are using mind-control devices to keep people subjugated. (If They were, this would Dishonor Allah.)"

"Sin is what you make of it. What we consider sin in America is not a sin under Allah. However, there are 10 Commandments that apply to All. And anything else, well, that's for You to decide."

"South Korea, You have become wicked. You serve evil. You allow Your brothers in the North to suffer. And for what reason? Because the Devil tempts You. Do not allow your Souls to continue to be consumed."

"Australia, New Zealand, Solomon Islands, Oceania, fine jobs as far as I've been told. The cannibalism at the Solomon Islands bothers me just a little, but my intuition tells me that it is done righteously and honorably, so when I learn more information about it, I am pretty sure I approve, but that is because Their Souls have to go somewhere."

"France, You mock America, but yet, You have become the very thing You mock. Your People have always been arrogant. You jump around from one system of oppression to another that turns out to be no better. Either accept what You've become, or fix it."

[Bottomless Greed]

"OPEC, You have to stop hindering the evolution of energy. Do You not see that true God has designed traps for the world? You have fallen for one of those traps! Shouldn't you be more concerned about the thirst in Your Land? But, Allah is not displeased with You, OPEC, because it not OPEC's fault that the West has become Wicked."

"Nations that have no limit to their greed will collapse by their own weight. But some greed, like oil addiction, will lead to the downfall of the entire world. We do not want that. The West continues to chose greed. There is no reason for the world to still be using greenhouse gases. However, be aware of Wind energy - no more Wind farms should be built. Wind turbines look good on-paper, but in practice, they are bad."

"Drug cartels, I ask You, do You not have any Faith? God does not forget. God sees All. You will be judged. However, this is about the torture and psychological havoc You wreak. There is no reason that there cannot be Honor amongst you, and true God is displeased by this. Many drug cartels are being sent to a place worse than Hell - to Allah's Hell - and I assure You, Allah is to be Feared."

"It is unacceptable, however, that the greed in the United States has created such a wicked black market system. I am King Solomon, the Sun of God, and I am here to tell You, You have a religious right to smoke marijuana, dmt, opiates, and anything else found in plants. Do we not eat plants? But synthetic drugs, those are up to the Law."

"Pharmaceutical companies, what is the story? Too many People are being treated like guinea pigs. The FDA is partly to blame. But greed. again, prevails here. Instead of programming society into taking pills, there are alternatives, like diet and exercise, that won't do long-term damage. But worse, why do you not tell them of the long-term consequences? Because then People would just say no?"

"And Mexico, why are Your People flocking to the states for low-paying jobs? What are you doing wrong? You have everything you need within your own borders. Get to work."

[To Africa]

"The genocides in Africa, they should stop. Such senselessness."

[The root of the problems]

"But the root of all problems is America and the Jews, for They could have ended the world's problems years ago."


	4. Chapter 3: Included, King Solomon's Judg

Chapter 3: Included, King Solomon's Judgment

King Solomon: "I am going to travel the world, it seems [via Google maps!]. I don't want to forget anyone, I would feel bad."

iosolomon: "This chapter is just a "good job" to the 60% of the world that doesn't chose wickedness. It can be skipped."

"I cannot include every Nation, but I will give a shout-out to major players in my life for a job well-done. However, 60% of the world has done a fine job."

"Portugal, Spain, You have always been faith-based. You're doing a fine job."

"Switzerland, Your humanitarian efforts are greatly appreciated!"

"Sweden, excellent job. If only other Nations could adopt some of Your social models."

"Dutch, thanks for the great education. Special shout-out to Kenneth Haas, who was brilliant, and gave me some great laughs. And for teaching me the simple solution to America's prison problem - adopt the Dutch model. It is wrong to deprive People of Their right to see Their family, keeping them locked up like animals. I am not saying that People who break the Law should be given a slap on the wrist, but that is not what the Dutch do. Much more humane."

"Norway, Finland, Denmark, good job."

"Belgium, thanks for not really taking any sides during ww2. Although there were causalities, it could have been a lot worse."

"Eastern Europe, excellent job progressing. Just longer than two decades ago, Eastern Europe was a blood bath. In fact, if it was not for You, Eastern Europe, I would have never realized what American arrogance was. A Bulgarian I used to work with once showed me up with basic mathematics. And, Croatia is just becoming a beautiful Nation! And Lithuania has great educators! Latvia, I assume You are on par, but I do not recall ever having met a Latvian."

"Belarus, I can't remember what it was, but I remembered thinking 'great job' at one point in my life."

"Estonia, Romania, Serbia, Moldova, Macedonia, Albania, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Slovenia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Luxembourg, Andorra, good job."

"Ireland, no complaints, positive sentiments. (I would have better things to say, but England's continued oppression of the Irish does not please me.)"

"Algeria, I'm a bit disappointed but that's more because of the West, so fine job."

"Egypt, Libya, despite the bloodshed, there is no disharmony with Your gods and goddesses."

"Iran, I have always been pleased."

"Iraq, I'm not really sure what the story is with You, but Allah is not displeased with any Muslim Nation."

"South America, Central America, except for the few vicious crimes and destruction of the rainforest, You are doing a good job."

"South Africa, truly impressive that You chose unconditional forgiveness after the end of apartheid. This greatly pleases true God, especially considering that true God would have also been pleased by Your wrath."

"Nigeria, Morocco, Madagascar, I hear good things about you."

"Pakistan, I don't have a problem with You but India seems to. You guys can work that out on Your own."

"Cuba, I apologize that Your People had to suffer because of America's sins. Pero, no mas!"

"Guatemala, Peru, Dominican Republic, bueno trabajo."

"Haiti, You could do a better job, but fine job."

"Jamaica, well-done."

"Vietnam, on behalf of Abraham Lincoln, I apologize."

"Greece, no complaints, but stop being so selfish."

"Georgia, I remember the few residents that committed suicide over the fake broadcast of the Russian invasion. There's a good chance I would have done the same - who wants to deal with that! Especially when You are such a small Nation. But I am also sorry about the real Russian invasion that occurred."

"Faroe Islands, thanks for the great English teacher!"

"Ethiopia, I do not doubt Emperor Selassie's claim that He was Jesus, but I cannot verify that unless I was to meet His Reincarnation. It is important to note that I subconsciously typed "I verify that." He is the correct skin color, however."

"Saudi Arabia, the only thing that comes to mind, Long Live the Ottoman Empire!"

"Burma, You're heading in the right direction. Aung San Suu Kyi, thanks! I personally thought of You while I was meditating out in the cold."

"Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, Paraguay, Bolivia, Venezuela, Colombia, good job!"

"Ecuador, that was merely a test designed for the world, and you got it right! Good job!"

"Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Honduras, El Salvador, Belize, Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, Bermuda, Havana, Cayman Islands, and the other Islands of the Caribbean, You're all doing a good job!"

"Guyana, Suriname, French Guiana, good job."

"Greenland, Iceland, good job."

"Ukraine, I am sorry for the sacrifice You made during WWII. The static from that still haunts me. I had two days of moment of silence for Your People. It would please God if You forgave the Russians. But if You want to have that Revolution, then Ukrainian Pride demands it."

"Poland, I am also sorry Your losses. Good job, however, recovering."

"Austria, You are Your own People. I only have good things to say."

"Azerbaijan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, I never really heard about You before, but that means You're doing a good job."

"Kazakstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, good job."

"Afghanistan, I am sorry that the Americans have invaded."

"Lebanon, Syria, Turkey, Yemen, Oman, United Arab Emirates, All Muslim Nations, if Allah is not displeased, then neither am I!"

"Tunisia, there is no displease with the Spirits."

"Chad, I'm not sure, but I sense that Your Land is not wicked."

"Kenya, Uganda, Somalia, Tanzania, overall, good job."

"Other Nations in Africa, I really don't know who the major offenders are, the Ones destroying the rainforests and viciously killing each other, but Your problems are because of the West, so you are included with the 60%."

"New Zealand, Australia, Solomon Islands, Oceania, Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, Philippines, Malaysia, Singapore, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Myanmar (but I listed this as Burma, just recognizing both names), Bangladesh, Bhutan, Nepal, India, Tibet, good job!"

"And again, all others that I did include, good job!"


	5. Chapter 4: Where's the Patriotism? Here!

Chapter 4: Where's the Patriotism? Here!

The Party returns to the car.

Epitaph_2 plays.

iosolomon: "Perfect timing. E2 did jump in the water with me. His world is in pain. They feel the static,"

CM 5000: "Where to now?"

iosolomon: "Toms River. I better get an oil change."

42011271208420

future iosolomon: "iTunes, should I tell the officer at Beach Haven that they are doing a good job?

past iTunes: "I already answered that."

end of 42011271208420

Van Halen: "Right now! What are you waiting for?!"

iosolomon drives to the officer. The sign reads, "Contractors and Beach Haven residents Only"

iosolomon: "I just wanted to say that you guys are doing a good job with the recovery. I'm going to turn around, but I just wanted to say that."

Long Beach Officer confused, but very polite: "Thank you sir."

iosolomon: "'Sir,' damn, am I really that old?"

CM 5000: "25, 23, meh."

Paul Revere: "Wave that flag proudly!"

iTunes: "Put your hands up for Detroit and Cleveland!"

E2: "No one seems to be looking."

CM 5000: "It is like they are ashamed to be Americans."

iosolomon: "This disappoints me. I'm just trying to raise the patriotism. And You have them display shame."

Sage Rat: "Did you not just rebuke America? Did you not just list her as the root of all problems? Does that not deserve those looks of shame?"

4201129904420

present-day iosolomon: "I just made an improvement to Sage Rat's line, but the original wording was also grammatically acceptable. I asked iTunes to tell me what to keep. iTunes did not answer. Then, I asked Sage Rat, because it is his character, and then he immediately answered. Sage Rat Struck again. I laughed because that is the upcoming chapter."

end of 4201129904420

Paul Revere: "Well, good sir, I am greatly disappointed."

iosolomon: "Horrible, you disappoint Paul Revere."

Emperor Hirohito: "Hmm."

iosolomon: "No, no, remember, they are part of the matrix you designed."

Emperor Hirohito: "If I was in their shoes, I would say fuck the matrix."

iosolomon: "But what if the Matrix was controlled by Her!"

Emperor Hirohito: "I would still chose patriotism. You are waving the Flag while driving. You just don't see too many Americans doing that."

iosolomon: "Maybe they are ashamed of the pain that they have brought me?"

CM 5000: "Yeah, I mean, I feel bad that you are in this much pain, and I'm not even from this world, so imagine how they must feel."


	6. Chapter 5: Sage Rat Strikes Again!

Chapter 5: Sage Rat Strikes Again!

4201129348420

iTunes: "Chapter 27"

King Solomon: "Might as well get that birthday text sent out now."

iosolomon sends his brother a happy birthday text.

iosolomon: "My brother is in British Columbia, Canada. Or I would have sent this text 3 hours."

end of 4201129348420

Emperor Hirohito: "The gods and goddesses have spoken. Tranquility. Today is the day of the second plunge."

King Solomon: "Wonderful!"

iosolomon: "My stomach has a sinking feeling. So much anxiety. But I find strength in the fact that other People have gone through much worse in the name of God. Still, what a nightmare. I will die for your sins. I'll be reborn. Then I have to get off to work."

CM 1126: "On the way to Seaside, I almost hit a crazy New Jersey driver."

iosolomon: "Thank you ZKD 40V for only being reckless, and not careless."

CM 1126: "iosolomon arrives at a Seaside Park checkpoint."

Officer: "Where are you headed?"

iosolomon: "To the beach, to swim."

Officer: "It's too cold. Why are you going to do that? I'm not going to let you pass."

iosolomon: "God told me to."

Officer: "There was just a Hurricane in October. I cannot let you pass."

present-day iosolomon: "But what I actually heard was muffled by the wind, 'It's October. Too cold.'"

past iosolomon: "That would be cool if it was actually only October. Then there would still be time to get Ron Paul elected."

future iosolomon: "If it was actually October, then Sunsaroo was the one who muffled the officer's words with the Wind, but the officer did not say that it was October, that is just how I heard it."

iosolomon: "Great, now I'm going to have to sneak in [to Seaside] because my Constitutional rights have been violated again."

iosolomon tries to enter through the North side, but is directed by another officer to turn around.

iosolomon finds a secret entrance, and drives through.

An officer pulls him over.

Sage Rat: "Got'cha bitch. Bet you didn't see it coming that there would be a cop sitting there."

iosolomon: "Hardy har har, the joke's on me."

Molinaro: "What are you doing? You just made an illegal turn, and drove by me really fast."

present-day iosolomon: "The Officer's name is spelled different. I was caught off-guard, and couldn't get the correct spelling."

iosolomon: "I'm sorry, officer, I'm just trying to get to the beach."

Molinaro: "You're going to have to leave, or I'm going to arrest you. You cannot go to the beach."

iosolomon: "I have a constitutional right to go to the beach. You're going to have to arrest me."

Molinaro: "You do not have a constitutional right because it is too dangerous for you to access the beach. There is wood and debris everywhere. You would hurt yourself."

iosolomon: "Oh, I'm sorry officer. I did not realize."

Molinaro: "Let me run your information, and I'll escort you out."

iosolomon hands the officer his information. The Officer walks away.

iosolomon; "Damn, so close. Guess I'm going to LBI."

Sage Rat: "Ha ha ha, isn't this good tv? Too bad you didn't remember your exact words."

iosolomon: "Yes, this is good tv, but from my point of view it's bad tv. Is he going to issue me a citation? I never got the new copy of the insurance card."

Sage Rat: "No, and you'll recognize him from a past life soon. Watch."

Mplinaro returns.

Molinaro: "I'm not going to issue you any citations."

iosolomon: "Thank you, officer."

Molinaro: "And I'm not going to arrest you, but I'm going to escort you out of town."

iosolomon: "Yes, Your Officer."

present-day iosolomon: "This is what Sage Rat was referring to. This Officer, His soul, He was a King in a past life. I almost said, 'Your Highness.' He might have also just been a Duke or Noble, but I was possessed when I said 'Your' so I'm pretty He was a King. Final answer."

future iosolomon: "Actually, I tell you, he reminded me of King Edgar."

iosolomon follows the Officer out of town. iosolomon waves the Flag in appreciation after leaving.

4201129921420

present-day iosolomon: "How did you know, Sage Rat, that I was about to ask you a question?"

Sage Rat does not appear. However, a cold reboot was performed on iTunes.

present-day iosolomon laughs. "Even if you know what my next question is going to be, there is no way you are going to pick a song to prove it to me. But, let us see, Sage Rat, if you are truly Sage."

present-day iosolomon: "Hmm, it will take another song."

present-day iosolomon is not disappointed. He thinks, "Success, but how? Now, I have to explain this. Why couldn't you just have been wrong, Sage Rat? WHY?! REVEAL YOURSELF! TELL ME!"

Sage Rat does not appear.

present-day iosolomon: "Yeah, yeah. I was about to ask Sage Rat if I should add an exclamation mark to 'Sage Rat Strikes Again.' What makes this so difficult for Sage Rat is that there is no song with an exclamation mark in it. Sage Rat selected 'Date Rape' which should be, Date Rape!, with an exclamation mark, but I needed more proof. How did I know if Sage Rat was thinking the same thing as me? So, Sage Rat, selected 'Shout' as the next song, thus confirming that an exclamation mark should be used. iTunes, does Sage Rat appear?"

Sage Rat does not appear.

end of 4201129921420

4201129927

present-day iosolomon: "At this point, it should be so obvious what I'm about to ask next."

Sage Rat answers the question through iTunes. present-day iosolomon changes the title to "Sage Rat Strikes Again!" [King Kong was selected. Thus, Sage Rat would say, 'Make it beast' if he was here. But that is not a word Sage Rat uses, at least, not that I've heard; that is what Jason would say.]

end of 4201129927


	7. Chapter 6: The Second Plunge!

Chapter 6: The Second Plunge!

iosolomon arrives at the South end of LBI.

The Sun Goddess has blessed this area. There was a unique warmth that iosolomon felt.

iosolomon exercises on the beach. Running, and doing pushups.

iosolomon keeps tanking it during the pushups. iosolomon reminiscences about who in his life would have yelled at him for that.

Coach Roma: "You're tanking it, Dinnebeil!"

Petty Officer Heinzman: "You're tanking it, Abraham!"

Petty Officer Veddar would always cut me the benefit of the doubt.

Petty Officer Medina would just turn the other cheek, pretending not to notice.

Sunsaroo, the Wind God, yelled at iosolomon for tanking it.

And, then, right before iosolomon was about to perform the puryifying ritual, a Coast Guard helicopter flew by.

iosolomon: "That's funny how I was just remembering boot camp."

iosolomon proceeds to burn his eyes out.

E2 casts sight.

iosolomon can barely see; it is painful.

iosolomon and E2 run out to the sand bank. iosolomon tosses off his clothes.

iosolomon jumps in. iosolomon doesn't hear the static. "Damn it, I didn't get my back wet!"

iosolomon jumps back in a second time, this time getting his back wet. "Ah! The static!"

iosolomon sprints out back to the clothes.

iosolomon and the party walk out onto the rocks. iosolomon tosses a rock out to sea. Then, iosolomon places a shell down on a rock, and thanks the Sun Goddess for the warmth.

But Sunsaroo was jealous of His sister, and made iosolomon cold with the wind.

iosolomon: "Sunsaroo, You are up to mischief again."

And this pleased Sunsaroo that He was acknowledged. The wind went away.


	8. Chapter 7: Wait, When Can I Eat!

Chapter 7: Wait, When Can I Eat?!

iosolomon laments, "But I cannot enjoy myself knowing that there are People out there needlessly suffering. The disparity is too great."

King Solomon, who is working on the chapter. 'Included, King Solomon's Judgment': "Hmm, guess I better go through every Nation."

iosolomon: "How is that coming along, Your Judgment of the world."

King Solomon: "Not as bad as I thought. But I haven't gotten to the hard part yet."

iosolomon: "What's that?"

King Solomon: "Seems like lots of Nations want another War."

present-day iosolomon: "Oh, the prophesied war to end all wars. Yes, this troubles me and Abraham later in the episode."

present-day iosolomon continues to do King Solomon's work.

present-day iosolomon finishes the preliminary draft.

present-day iosolomon: "Damn, the meaningless feeling comes back."

present-day iosolomon: "Man, I'm hungry. But there is nothing to eat."

Teddy: "But, then, there was the static."

4201129605420

iTunes neutralizes the static.

Quina: "When do you eat? You forgot to say."

iosolomon: "Hmm. It should be in the next chapter...oh, the next chapter got separated by the static."

Quina: "I don't like the static."

iosolomon: "We don't eat for a while, but this next chapter was written just for you!"

Quina: "Nice."

end of 4201129605420

iosolomon: "To answer Quina's question. less than an hour and we can eat."

Schala: "Hey Quina, iosolomon lied. The next chapter isn't for you."

Quina: "WHAT?! I EAT NEXT CHAPTER THEN!"

iosolomon: "Hold on. I got you Quina. We just have to fast a little longer."

Quina: "But I'm still hungry!"

Quina eats Chapter 8 anyways!

iosolomon; "Great! First you ate Cecil! Now, you ate the Chapter!"

Quina: "I'll regurgitate it, after we eat!"


	9. Chapter 8: Dinner Time Yet?

Chapter 8: Dinner Time Yet...?

Steiner: "Stop Quina. Don't eat all the chapters!"

Quina: "But I hungry!"

iosolomon: "iTunes should I just delete this? Up until where my mom walks on screen? It doesn't make any sense since Quina just ate the previous chapter."

iTunes makes an imperceptible 'no,' but iosolomon could not tell.

iosolomon: "Is that a yes?"

iTunes makes another imperceptible 'no,' but iosolomon still could not tell.

iosolomon: "Too ambiguous. Let me re-phrase, from here, until 'Mom,' should I delete?"

iTunes makes another imperceptible 'no,' but this time, iosolomon was paying careful attention.

iosolomon: "Ok, I take that as a NO. Now, how the heck do I fix this up?"

iosolomon: "iTunes, next song I'm going to write down."

iTunes summons Shiva.

Steiner: "Whoa, I wouldn't do that iTunes. Not yet."

iTunes cancels the summon.

iTunes summons Ifrit.

Steiner: "Ifrit is good."

Ifrit appears. Ifrit burns a hole. "This way, but beware, burning inside."

iosolomon, Steiner, and Quina go through.

past iosolomon: "At what age will I be taking my next plunge? iTunes, the next song I'm going to write down."

past iosolomon: "Very well. iTunes selects ff6_26_Terra."

past Iosolomon laughs. "That does not tell me anything. Does that mean I am taking another plunge in one year, my pretend age of 26, or in 3 years, my real age of 26? iTunes, when do I come out of this matrix? I'm dying not knowing. I'm so alone in here."

The Party leaves; they return back to the current time for them.

iosolomon and the party are sitting in the car waiting for dinner.

Mom walks by. "Hey, hi."

I forced a smile.

iTunes gave me another clue. Texas Walker Ranger plays.

iosolomon: "What does it mean?"

Sage Rat: "It means you'll be walking, just like the South Park prophecy says."

iosolomon: "I see."

iTunes selects Rolling Stones, You can't always get what you want.

Morgan Freeman: "iosolomon doesn't really want to walk."

iosolomon: "iTunes, that doesn't help! But you know what, I'm more impressed with the fact that we went through 1746 of 2101 songs, which means your selection now is really limited, which means there was some serious planning on your part with what songs to have saved for the end. Ok, let's kill some songs. It's time for dinner now. The sun just set."

Quina: "Yay! We can eat."

iTunes: "No, you still have to wait. Not until night."

iosolomon: "That is how my last fasting went. But, actually, I cheated today. I should actually make up for it. That is what the Quran dictates. Very well, then, let me figure this out."

iosolomon looks up the time of the sunrise.

iosolomon: "The sunrise was at 6:56. I had my glass of water between 8 to 8:20 am. The sunset was at 4:33. CM 5000, when can I eat?"

CM 5000: "Figures, you would ask me."

iTunes: "I told him to ask you. I played wrobo, the robot's theme song."

CM 5000: "All my life...Let's see...calculating."

E2: "Wait, let me calculate it for you then. Your circuits just went through a cold reboot earlier today."

CM 5000: "Thank you tyoubalying." [That last word is seen as a glitch.]

E2: "Let's see. If we say that you had the glass at 8:20, then that means you need to wait 1 hour 24 minutes."

Emperor Hirohito: "Hey, look at that, 124, I was the 124th Emperor."

iosolomon laughs.

E2: "Thus, you can eat at 5:57."

CM 5000: "This is correct."

Mom burns stuff in the backyard, live-time.

iosolomon: "And then, iTunes asks, 'Who do I love?''"

CM 5000: "This one is easy. Your Mom! Remember, the lost pilot episode is supposed to end that way."

iosolomon: "But it doesn't seem like there's an end to this matrix. And we still don't have any weed!"

iTunes: "Should we access past Jose? Sell your soul?"

iosolomon: "I would, but Quina is too hungry now."

Quina: "So we can eat?"

iosolomon: "Next chapter, we can eat. But only if you eat more chapters!"

Quina eats the next few chapters!


	10. Chapter 9: Dinner Time!

Chapter 9: Dinner Time!

iosolomon: "Thanks for eating the other chapters."

Quina: "Anything for food!"

iosolomon and the party arrive at McDonald's.

The Party eats McDonald's.

Quina: "Mmm. Good. Now, I regurgitate chapters."

Quina regurgitates chapters. A link to the Enter Now is established.

iosolomon: "Let's go. Let's enter the Enter Now!"

iosolomon, CM 5000, E2, and Quina enter the Enter Now.

past Jose: "Your Mom is going to get you weed."

past iosolomon thinks, "But if she does that, then how much weed will I get? I burn through weed pretty fast working on south park. Hmm, well, any weed is better then no weed. But then that stupid dream of WAR is going to come true. Stupid South Korea. But Justice is Justice. The North and the South will need another war to restore balance."

King Solomon: "Why cannot you just allow me to tell a lie? I cleverly wrote my Judgment so that the next Korean War would not happen. What are you doing to me?"

Abraham Lincoln: "You know that I cannot tell a lie. Yes, they can still chose peace, but be realistic here."

King Solomon; "I just won't be able to enjoy myself knowing there's war. I won't be able to concentrate, or do anything."

Abraham Lincoln: "But isn't that why you were departing for a road trip in that dream you had, the dream where you were saying good-bye to your friend Justin, to avoid the static?"

iosolomon: "I wonder. That dream is supposed to happen in December. And Justin is not working at Shop Rite. If he does not work at shop rite, then the dream does not come true. There is less than a month. Why would Justin end up working at Shop Rite now?"

Abraham: "But do not worry, the dream about the first born dying will not come true. The Egyptians, just like Emperor Hirohito with the nuking, do not want to see anyone go through with that pain."

iosolomon: "Well, that's relieving to hear, because that vision was just so vivid."

Griffin appears: "But you can cause that dream to come true. That is why it was so vivid."

Iosolomon: "Oh..."

iTunes: "Cricket cricket. You're starting to become unchained."

Iosolomon: "Well, I guess then, bring your own bombs."

iTunes: "Boom! Boom! Boom!"

Abraham Lincoln: "So is there going to be a Civil War 2?"

Abraham: "That would be complicated. Who would be fighting? Considering that the South is right, and that Ron Paul is Benjamin, I do not see why the North would fight. It would be foolish for them to fight my 13th Son. But the South does have my blessing for a revolution if the North choses foolishness."

iosolomon: "Exactly. The South would be fighting for the Constitution, and what would the North be fighting for? Hypocrisy? Arrogance?"

Abraham Lincoln: "It would look that way."

iosolomon: "So maybe it would be the Southern Militia versus these corporate para-militaries that God had to destroy in 2050."

Abraham Lincoln: "Yes. I would expect that the President would just instill martial law, the United States military wouldn't want to fight against, God, would they?"

Abraham: "That would be bad. They would feel my wrath."

Emperor Kefka: "First, they would feel the full wrath of Asia!"

Abraham Lincoln: "But Ron Paul was not elected President. A revolution, hopefully peaceful, is now inevitable at this point."

iosolomon: "I just don't want anyone to die."

The Party is teleported to another part of the Enter Now.

future iosolomon: "Mmm, this chicken sandwich is good."

present-day iosolomon: "Mmm, I can't wait."

iosolomon: "Hey, I just had that chicken sandwich it was good."

Quina: "But I'm still hungry!"


	11. Chapter 10: Esther's Blessings

Chapter 10: Esther's Blessings

42011261701420

Esther: "Enjoy your banquet!"

Quina: "Banquet?! Where?!"

iosolomon: "In the future, when Emperor Kefka is born, there will be a big banquet just for you, Quina."

Quina: "I like this Emperor Kefka."

Emperor Kefka laughs.

end of 42011261701420

CM 5000: "I have been blessed by Esther. Follow me."

The Party follows CM 5000. They are teleported to the future.

future iosolomon: "Mmm, this chicken sandwich is delicious."

iosolomon: "Oh man, I can't wait!"

Quina: "Talk of food is making me hungry again."

future iosolomon: "This milkshake is great too."

iosolomon: "Ha ha, but I bet I wish I had some water."

future iosolomon: "Yup, that's exactly what you end up thinking as usual."

iosolomon: "I'm such a Jew."

Back, at the car, present time.

Abe (who is Abraham Lincoln, just trying to be an ordinary American before People learn of iosolomon's true identity), "Hey, why don't you fix that flag of yours? It's not hanging up straight."

iosolomon: "You can fix it. I don't want to reach over everyone."

Abe fixes the American flag to the make the Honda more patriotic.

Abe: "It's a shame that you lost one of the flags the other day."

iosolomon: "I know. Ha ha, honest mistake."

Emperor Hirohito: "What about spray painting the Japanese flag onto the hood of your car? Are you still going to do that?"

iosolomon laughs. "Let me ask iTunes. Should I buy some spray paint when I go inside Walmart to buy the replacement headlight?"

iTunes plays an ambiguous song.

iosolomon: "I cannot determine."

Britney: "Do something."

iosolomon: "Ok, should I go ask my mom?"

iTunes says no.

Andrew, via iTunes: "Cause you can."

iosolomon: "Ha ha, there was once this time my brother brought a George Foreman grill to school, and started having barbecues during history class. And when the principal or teacher asked why he did that, he said, 'Cause I can.'"

iTunes: "FF6_Shadow_2."

E2: "That was a narrow escape. It is a good thing that Shadow showed up to save us."

iosolomon: "I hope they waited for him. I didn't wait for him the first time, who would have ever thought to?"

CM 5000: "I waited for him. My mom bought me the strategy guide for the game."

iosolomon: "Well, who would have ever thought, 12 days later, I would be taking that second plunge. I was going to put it off, but the Sun Goddess possessed me. I let Her, since it was such a nice day."

E2: "I'm ready to take the third plunge."

iosolomon: "Ha ha. It's surely coming. Even though I completely resist."

Fate: "You cannot escape."

Griffin: "Well, actually, he could escape. There is a unique set of conditions that would allow him to escape. This could be the dimension where everything he has come to know has been a metaphor."

iosolomon: "Yes, King Solomon and I have considered that, too."

iTunes plays a peaceful soundtrack, Agent Scully approaches.

Agent Scully: "But that's not what I actually said during the Badlaa episode."

iosolomon: "Oh, why did you forget your lines?"

Agent Scully: "I was high."

Agent Scully: "Do you know what it's like not to be able to trust your owns eyes?"

iosolomon: "Yes, actually. I am depressed now, thanks Agent Scully. I just don't know anymore."

Van Morrison appears. "Whenever God shines his light."

iosolomon: "Well, thanks for clarifying Van Morrison."

iosolomon purchase the headlight at Walmart, and installs it.

Quina regurgitates the other chapters, so they actually happened before the party got to eat. It turns out, Quina was not a part of the Party in the following chapters. Or else he would have ate himself! And that would have been bad!


	12. Chapter 11: Don't Stop Believing

Chapter 11: Don't Stop Believing

Peter: "Hey, it's Journey."

Journey: "Took a midnight train, going anywhere."

Then, iTunes selects Phantom Train.

Shadow: "I must go to the Phantom Train."

iosolomon: "We would go with you, but we are about to receive an incoming weed transmission."

CM 5000: "We will meet up with you in [Lost Pilot Episode] 28." [If we were watching this on tv, Morgan Freeman would say, "Lost Pilot Episode" in-between CM 5000 speaking.]

Shadow departs onto the Phantom Train, as the train comes to a screeching halt.

42011261719420

Tyga: "Rack City, Rack City."

CM 5000: "You never posted [on the internet on urban dictionary] about which city was Rack City." [Morgan Freeman speaks here as well.]

iosolomon: "I still wonder, which is the real Rack City. I think it would be distasteful if it was Las Vegas."

King Solomon: "I am going to go to Rack City."

iosolomon: "You know where Rack City is. Which City?"

King Solomon: "I cannot tell you. You have to learn that on your adventure."

King Solomon departs for Rack City.

iosolomon: "Damn, still don't know."

end of 41011161719420

iosolomon: "I can't wait until I get to eat more food. I'm losing a lot of muscle mass. I look like a concentrate camp survivor right now."

iTunes: "Travel to the Phantom Forest."

iosolomon: "Where is that? Is that the same as the Forest?"

iTunes: "Yes."

The party heads to the Forest. But iosolomon realizes that it is not the Phantom Forest. iTunes will have to give further instructions.

iTunes: "King Kong in the trunk."

iosolomon: "Ha ha, like that trunk money video. Good stuff."

The party does a loop through the Forest.

iosolomon: "iTunes, off to walmart now?"

iTunes: "Yes, but you have to go through the Phantom Forest."

iosolomon: "But if I go there this early, I might get in trouble."

iTunes: "Go there anyways."

CM 5000 changes the route. The party travels to the Phantom Forest.

En route to the Phantom Forest, iosolomon: "How's this sound? You know, officer, I don't really have a good reason as to why I'm driving around through the Park."

CM 5000: "I calculate that the truth would be better."

Griffin: "I second that, but I do not see any problems for you. Unless this is the dimension where your headlight comes back on."

E2 laughs. "Let me see. Nope, still out."

iTunes plays, "It ends to tonight."

iosolomon: "iTunes...why do you still lie to me?"

iTunes: "Sorry, I know that you did not want me to play this song until it really ends 'tonight,' but it was."

iosolomon: "But it was inevitable, yeah yeah, well thanks for apologizing."

iTunes: "1805 out of 2101 songs remaining."

Madonna: "Let me tag along."

iosolomon: "Sure, E2, hop in the back. Let Madonna have the front, so she's comfortable."

Madonna: "Thanks E2."

iTunes plays 'The Chinese song' as iosolomon enters the Phantom Forest.

There is a car. It looks like one of the security guards just got off of work.

iosolomon: "I told you it was too early!"

iosolomon leaves the Park. iosolomon waits outside the Park.


	13. Chapter 12: Back into the Phantom Forest

Chapter 12: Back Into the Phantom Forest

Limp Bizkit: "Go anyways. Nothing's going to happen."

iTunes: "I agree."

Iosolomon: "But I do not want to get in trouble. What if there are cops at the other side?"

CM 5000: "What if we wait outside the Phantom Forest instead...until the security guard leaves?"

The Killers: "I'll be a midnight show then."

iosolomon: "Sweet, I have someone on my side, instead of the other two devils."

Head Automatic: "The security guard was there to make your heart beat." [Beating hearts, baby plays.]

Alex Trebak: "We are waiting for your answer." [Final! Jeopardy plays.]

iosolomon: "I'll go with just waiting here!"

iTunes plays Psalms.

iosolomon: "I'll listen to Psalms, then, for four hours!"

iosolomon listens to Psalms.

CM 5000: "It's 5:57."

CM 5000: "It's 6:00 pm. Did you want to eat?"

iosolomon: "No, I have to go through the Park. I can't click the next song cause iTunes is bound to tell me to go through the Park."

CM 5000: "I see."

iosolomon: "I mean, why is there just a random car sitting there? iTunes?"

iTunes: "It does not matter. Just go."

iosolomon: "Fine. I'll ask again."

iTunes: "Then wait if you want."

iosolomon: "Ha ha, it's like a magic eight ball. The answer changes each time I ask."

CM 5000: "But, be careful, there are a few 100% go ahead songs that could be remaining."

iosolomon: "Like dancing mad! Oh no!"

CM 5000: "No, it's only Version 4. False alarm."

iosolomon: "Whew."

iosolomon: "There is also 100% abort songs."

Griffin: "I wonder which will come first. I see both timelines, and I even see the one where you just wait."

4201126606420

Sage Rat: "You have my blessing to go. You'll be fine. But wait for iTunes to give you the 100% go-ahead."

Madonna: "That's a go ahead from me. Into the groove." [Into the Groove plays.]

Sage Rat: "What are you waiting for!?"

iosolomon: "Until the car leaves. I think it's the security guard."

Sage Rat: "You Jew. It does not matter. And that is not the security guard."

iosolomon: "I don't know..."

Wiz Khalif: "Here, mediate." [Never Been plays.]

The Party mediates with Wiz.

Madonna: "What will it be?"

iosolomon: "Abort?"

iTunes: "What would Jack Bauer do?"

iosolomon: "Well, he's got CTU to get him out of trouble. I don't!"

Emperor Kefka: "Then, maybe it's time for me to drive!"

iosolomon: "Whoa no."

end of 4201126606420

Audioslave: "Your time has come."

iosolomon: "iTunes, is this true?"

iTunes: "Tell it to my heart."

iosolomon: "Ok. I really don't know why you would put a random lady in the Phantom Forest. I would have been to Walmart by now if she wasn't there."

Britney joins the Party. "Make room for me."

Madonna: "You can sit on my lap."

Britney: "Thanks Madonna. I wanted a front row seat."

iTunes continues to play other songs.

iosolomon: "Lots of almost songs. I'll ask iPone. I'll only ask for one song."

iPhone does not select a 100% song.

Morgan Freeman: "But iPhone did select a "Go ahead" song."

iosolomon: "Nope. Well, I might make it to the default option. When I reach the end of the playlist, I'll just leave. I err on the side of caution."

iTunes: "Smoke two joints."

iosolomon: "If i smoked two joints, yeah, I would be there already."

iTunes selects a strong 'go ahead' song.

iosolomon: "Getting closer. Uh-oh."

CM 5000: "150 more songs to go."

Madonna: "Open your heart."

CM 5000: "100 more songs now."

Madonna: "My life's a revolver."

Haggai: "Fly to the shop!"

iTunes plays "the Benny Hill theme song."

iosolomon: "That song is like getting an ace during a Black Jack. It could mean go-ahead, or it could mean more waiting. I'll decide this with the next 10 songs then."

Luke randomly appears. "Go you pussy."

iosolomon: "Hold on. Let me see what else iTunes says. Nope, but closer. 99.7% now."

CM 5000: "50 songs now."

iosolomon: "99.8%, but that is still not 100%."

Sage Rat: "For the Empire!"

iosolomon: "Ok well I'm pretty sure I'll end up going at this rate. 99.9% now. I just need that final push. Or I leave this area."

iTunes: "Tokyo Drift."

iosolomon: "99.99%."

iTunes: "Intergalactic."

iosolomon: "99.999%.".

Griffin: "You will be going soon. This I can see."

iosolomon: "Nah, they can't have a song that's left that'll make me go. They already used the best ones. Only 8 more to go."

iosolomon makes it to the end of the playlist.

iosolomon: "The playlist has gone through a rebirth. [Morgan Freeman: The playlist reached the end, and started over.] I will go up to 21. If none of those songs are 100% go-ahead. I take an alternate route."

But the remainder of the chapter is missing...


	14. Chapter 13: The Ending

Chapter 13: The Ending

present-day iosolomon: "Hey, part of that last chapter is missing. Quina!"

present-day Quina spits it out. "Sorry!"

iosolomon clicks through the first 21 songs. None are go-ahead songs, but song 21 is. [som_upperlands3 plays.]

iosolomon: "Ok, I'll go to this one."

The Party of the past travels through the Phantom Forest. Chrono Trigger Bike and Final Fantasy 7 Motorcycle Theme make for a fun loop.

present-day iTunes: "I have a better idea on how to end this chapter."

past iosolomon: "The past is the past, it cannot be changed.

present-day iosolomon: "But the future can still be changed. What were you thinking?"

[Put Your Hands Up For Detroit And Cleveland plays.]

iTunes: "Now, let's go through the Phantom Forest again...for an even better ending!"

future iosolomon: "CM 5000, establish a cold link with 'Put Your Hands Up For Detroit And Cleveland!"

future CM 5000: "You only have 'Put Your Hands Up For Detroit.'"

future iosolomon: "Shit, now we have to go all the way back to my house."

present-day iosolomon: "Hold on. I'll fix that."

present-day CM 5000: "Analyzing the song. Detroit occurs at -0:57 seconds. -0:59 is "this city." Needs to be 'these cities.' -1:29, another occurrence of 'Detroit.' -3:27' another occurrence of Detroit. -3:30, another occurrence of 'this city.' Detroit at -3:59. -5:29, Detroit.

present-day iosolomon tries to record, 'Cleveland' to edit into the song.

Schala: "Do you hear that? It sounds like the black wind. Might I suggest you use a song that already has the word Cleveland in it."

present-day iosolomon: "Good idea. I got it!"

The Drew Carey Theme Song is loaded up.

Drew Carey: "We're going to do a final good-bye season for Cleveland!"

present-day iosolomon battles the static. "Oh man, why did you have to say that. I'm about to cry now."

iTunes: "Sorry!"

present-day CM 5000: "Loading Audacity. I cannot find the second song. Oh, it is in .m4a format. Converting Put Your Hands For Detroit And Cleveland to mp3 format."

present-day iosolomon: "iTunes, should I just replace Detroit with just 'Cleveland,' or do what I'm doing?"

present-day King Solomon: "This is my episode. Please, Noah, one clear song."

present-day King Solomon: "Thanks, Noah! Noah has decided that we should go with the oddity, which is what I'm doing." [Space Oddity, David Bowie,]

present-day CM 5000: "It would take me over an hour to get the timing flawless. Does that suffice?"

present-day iosolomon: "Yes, considering we have no weed."

present-day CM 5000: "Storing Detroit location: 00 h 01 m 39.484."

present-day iosolomon: "iTunes, can I insert there? Actually, this is good."

present-day CM 5000: "Storing Detroit location: 0 18.579. Storing Detroit location: 00 h 05 m 50.995."

present-day iosolomon: "That looks like the last of it. iTunes, should it be Put your hands up for Cleveland, or put your hands up for cleveland rocks?"

iTunes: "Hidden Continent."

present-day iosolomon tosses his hands up. "I knew I should have had King Solomon asked. Sigh. But he doesn't care at this point. Well, one more time. What do you say, iTunes?"

iTunes: "Lesson 10."

present-day iosolomon: "Ok, lol going to be Cleveland rocks then. Thanks iTunes!"

iTunes: "No problem."

Madonna: "I love New York!"

present-day iosolomon: "Retrieve Detroit locations."

present-day CM 5000: "Retrieving Detroit location 00 h 01 m 39.484."

present-day iosolomon: "You are not actually a robot. You have to start from the end, otherwise, the other Detroit locations become out-dated."

present-day CM 5000: "Retrieving Detroit location 00 h 05 m 50.995. Retrieving Detroit location 0 18.579. Retrieving Detroit location 00 h 01 m 39.484."

ABRAHAM/GOD: "YOU DO THAT SHIT AGAIN, KATHLEEN. YOU WILL BURN IN HELL. I AM GOD, AND YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT ME. THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU ARE IN MY KINGDOM!"

iosolomon: "Sage Rat, I thought I asked you to knock the shit off with my parents."

Abraham: "Son, I want you to make a Vow with Me. The next time Your Mother angers ME, You are to commit suicide. Enough."

iosolomon: "Yes, Sir."

iosolomon: "This is not a joke. The month of December, or this month, is Emperor Kefka's month. Emperor Kefka will order the assassination of Kathleen Dinnebeil, and the Koreans WILL execute Her within 5 minutes of that order. If this is not done, I will kill myself, and destroy ALL of Korea."

The Spirits leave iosolomon. "Do not test my Honor with God. I really don't want to jump to an icy death. But those who continue to violate the Fourth Commandment, KATHLEEN DINNEBEIL, will need to be sent to Hell. If I die, and do not get revived by God, then very well. But I listen to My Father, who art in Heaven. However, I promise you, the Sun will turn out upon My Death."

iosolomon returns to present-day.

Abraham Lincoln: "I, too, would use one of the three Presidential assassination on BOTH, Kathleen and Daniel Dinnebeil."

ABRAHAM: "I already told them what to do. If you are going to lie, REMAIN SILENT. I invented psychosis. I invented it to WARN YOU that upon Your Death, I show no mercy, no forgiveness, for those who violate the Ten Commandments, including my 'birth' parents."

iosolomon: "I am just the messenger, Mother, please do NOT kill me. It would be a waste to have God descend down from the Heavens and annihilate All But 13 Tribes, because of Your Dishonor. You know what I say to be true, Mother, why do You continue to lie?"

Mom: "..."

Morgan Freeman: "Mom has learned how to remain silent instead of sinning."

iosolomon: "That is better. That pleases Abraham. Just keep your mouth shut if you can't tell the truth. The same for you, Jose, Tom. Tom, you are actually first on Emperor Kefka's list, at present-time, to be executed. In fact, Emperor Kefka pities you because you are 100% gay, a disease to society, he views you, and you insulted Emperor Kefka. But I, iosolomon, am your friend. My power only goes so far. If I don't get...er. if Emperor Kefka doesn't get what He wants, I do kill myself. And, he wants INSTANT results. I don't want to test the limits of the Korean Honor, because, you want to know how it ends?"

Emperor Kefka laughs. "It ends with nuclear explosions ALL over America."

present-day Emperor Kefka laughs again. Morgan Freeman appears.

future Emperor Kefka appears to send his words into the Miscellaneous space time continuum, laugh again.

present-day iosolomon: "Stop, stop, stop Emperor Kefka. Morgan Freeman, travel to the past to delete what He just said."

Morgan Freeman: "I'm on top of it."

But then, the Miscellaneous space time warp continuum opens up here.

present-day Emperor Kekfla laughs again. "I was just musing, actually, how America would be better off nuked. [Morgan Freeman: My Lord, allow me to delete this part.] I am the Sun of God."

Shiva: "Hindus, You would have no choice but to return to the Lands. I will give My Son whatever He desires."

iosolomon: "Really, I've always wanted a real-life FF3. But Emperor Hirohito would be pleased with FF2. What do You want? FF3 means no more America. Native Americans, you would have to, again, be forced off your land, because they would be uninhabitable."

Emperor Kefka: "Unless I poison them! I do not want to be cruel to the Native Americans. They have done nothing wrong in the eyes of God."

iosolomon: "And that is the truth of it."

Emperor Kefka: "STOP STEALING MY CLOTHES! ABRAHAM! Or is that You, Hirohito?"

fake Emperor Kefka: "Shiva does not view the Native Americans as having done anything wrong. Ifrit/Allah would have expected All of them to die by now fighting. And Emperor Hirohito would expect that they are still at war with America, waiting until the time is right to strike. Abraham is pleased, however, that they chose forgiveness. So which God, Gods/Goddesses, do the Native Americans believe in?"

Emperor Kefka: "Now...I do not want to be maced. It will temporarily kill my spirit."

fake Emperor Kefka: "Yes. I am the one who has requested the macing, so that I may cry. If Emperor Kefka is not maced, I cannot cry. Emperor Kefka has NO mercy for the Americans, Brits, or Jews."

Emperor Kefka's pure Atman: "Such evil. You are consuming my purity."

King Solomon: "Hey, just because it's after the next full moon, Emperor Kefka, don't spoil the righteousness that I desire. Can we finish My Episode?"

iosolomon: "iTunes, can you give us a song to end this madness?"

iTunes: "Separate Ways, Journey."

Peter: "Hey, it's Journey."


	15. Chapter 14: Song of Healing

Chapter 14: Song of Healing

iosolomon: "And still now I look forward to being maced twice..."

Iosolomon: "But still I have very specific demands."

King Solomon: "I have very specific demands with the macing. It offers you a little math problem."

King Solomon: "I want to be maced three days before the first nuclear explosion. I want to be maced randomly by one of the people who will be sacrificing their lives. I want it to occur at the exact time the bomb will land."

present-day King Solomon: "I don't know. Maybe I don't want it by someone who will be sacrificed, because that will be too hard for me to absorb. But I do want it to be from two people of those two cities. But it is all the same to me."

King Solomon: "And now the math problem. The second macing will occur on the same day as the first nuclear explosion. This poses a slight problem. I want to be able to see the brilliant flash of light. Therefore, the first city has to be nuked at a time later than the second city to ensure that I have enough time to let my eyes heal."

King Solomon: "Keep in mind, the second canister will be a weaker pepper spray than the first. And my body will have developed a defense system to it. And I don't really need too much time to recover. That is I don't see myself needing more than an hour."

iosolomon: "Although based on the tea tree oil, it would be around two-four hours before I completely recover."

King Solomon: "Something Is telling me like twenty minutes, I would be at the minimum of readiness to watch. Just throwing numbers out. Like if 8:48 is the first nuke, then the second nuke could occur at 8:11. 37 minutes of recovery should be plenty of time especially based off my body's response time to the second use of the tree oil."

Iosolomon sighs.

King Solomon: "I cannot believe I'm typing this up. But this is my request, please honor it."

CM 5000: "Where would you like the macing to occur?"

King Solomon: "That can be left up to the People of the two cities."

E2: "Make it easy for us, give them some options to ballpark."

King Solomon: "It shall be voted on by the roughly 200,000. For example, I could be maced within the first city three days before the nuke. And I could be at the other city three days before the second macing. Or I could be in Chicago. It does not matter to me. As long as I get a good view..."

King Solomon: "Or, something like, I could be in the second city to be nuked, and get maced three days before the first explosion, and then, on the same day, I am in the first city to be nuked, and I get maced there within the hour before that city is to be nuked (or whenever the corresponding time is). I would obviously be evacuated by helicopter in that case. A little too fast-paced for me and Emperor Hirohito, but that would please Emperor Kefka. But, then that would ruin the whole point of me getting maced in the first place..."

King Solomon: "I could watch the nuking of Detroit from Cleveland, or vice versa. All I ask, however, is for a good view since this should be the world's last use of nuclear weapons..."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "Unless Korea wants to nuke two more cities. I want to liberate the People of South California. I WANT KOREA TO DO THAT!"

Everyone just ignores that. Emperor Hirohito gulps a little. Emperor Hirohito can be seen with a very uneasy look on his face.

King Solomon restores his composure.

present-day Emperor Kefka laughs again.

King Solomon: "Oh, it does not matter to me. As long as I can watch the sacrifice. I only have that one request, exactly three days before the first city at the exact time they would be exploded no matter where I may be. Then, I want to be able to watch the sacrifice be made. And I would prefer at least 37 minutes of recovery. But I could settle for 20 minutes if those people want to live for 17 more minutes. I do not want to be selfish. My tears will wash out most of the pepper spray."

Emperor Kefka: "If I even let you cry."

King Solomon: "Yes, I already see it. A part of me will want to laugh. The first macing, since it will be the three day warning, I will cry. But my tears will be fleeting. I'll regain my composure, because I want to see that the People go with smiles on their face, not with tears. This is a sacrifice for God!"

King Solomon: "But I can see it, the first macing. I am thinking, 'Wow, that person from Detroit did a kick ass job.'"

King Solomon: "But Emperor Hirohito does not reveal to me the second macing, because that is a day of static. That memory is so buried. I fear the second macing. I do not want the people of the first city to see me after the second macing. I will weep. Perhaps, the first city to go is Cleveland, then, because the Muslims, Their Sacrifice is in true Honor of Allah. The Jews, the Catholics, the Judges, the aristocrats, their sacrifice is for Forgiveness, so that they may be forgiven. And, that, I cry for, because how did it ever get to be so bad?"

King Solomon: "I just do not want to kill the festive mood. This is for world peace. The second one will be harder to get me, to get a good job, but if it's done really cleverly, I see myself clapping and rejoicing. But, then, my heart is filled with sorrow."

present-day King Solomon cries.

King Solomon: "Yes, I just want to keep the mood festive because I do not want to the People to see me weep. It might make them weep. Shouldn't your last day be a good day?

Emperor Hirohito: "It would be okay with me, however, if the macing occurred six days before the first nuking, and six days before the second nuking. However, Emperor Kefka, well, it would be best to just keep it at the three day rule."

King Solomon: "Yes, if you follow Emperor Hirohito's suggestion, I would be able to get all my tears out, and be able to keep a smile. But it might not be me if the macing does not occur three days before. I am below Emperor Kefka, Emperor Hirohito, Abraham Lincoln, and Abraham, right now."

King Solomon: "That's all I ask for, three days. I'm living in a nightmare. I've lived through many nightmares. My soul feels so lifeless."

iosolomon: "Ah I hear the static."

Britney and Madonna: "Cheer up. There will be a big party, and there is one big party going on already but ah they keep it a secret."

CM 1127: "future iTunes plays the static!"


	16. Chapter 15: Static!

Chapter 15: Static!

42011271258420

future iosolomon: "Oh shit. I didn't hear it!" [The bad static from the previous chapter.]

present-day iosolomon turns the static off. [This is the 'good' static.']

end of 42011271258420

CM 5000: "Sir, the static!"

iosolomon: "NO!"

CM 5000: "It's because of that McDonald's you ate! I tried to warn you it would lead to the static!"

iosolomon: "Yeah, I mean, that was a lot of calories in one meal. I heard the static when I placed the order."

CM 5000: "Do you want to disregard? My sensors indicate you are tired."

iosolomon closes his eyes. "What would Emperor Selassie do?"

Emperor Selassie: "I would die on the cross for your sins."

iosolomon: "Whoa, you didn't have to be that literal. Hey, there was a nurse at the ER who looks just like you. Was that you?"

Emperor Selassie: "No, but it might have been the Prophet Gabriel."

iosolomon: "He reminded me of the Prophet Gabriel, just much more muscular."

CM 5000: "Sir, I cannot hold off the static forever."

iosolomon: "I will do the 8 minutes of static then."

present-day iosolomon pauses time.

iosolomon: "Oh sweet, nap time. But still, I can't believe you guys played the static...and right at the perfect time too. You neutralized the bad static."

Time is paused.

Emperor Kefka: "Do it. Dare them."

iosolomon: "I dare you to play the static within the first 10 songs if you really want me to do the static."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "This should be interesting."

iosolomon reboots itunes.

iosolomon: "Hm, it said 'loading iTunes' library. That hasn't happened recently. Well, here goes."

iTunes does not select the static within the first ten songs.

iosolomon: "Thanks Emperor Kefka. Now I can take that nap. I'll do the static when I wake up."

present-day iosolomon: "What about biology class? Should I go? One song rule. Whew. Ok, what about the later classes tomorrow? To be determined, say iTunes. How? By a coin toss?! Even though you tell me to flip that coin, I think I won't gamble. I'll go with to be determined. lol."

iosolomon: "Can never be too sure, since it's a FF3 song, everyone knows it would be one-faced!"

itunes: "Rest in Peace"

present-day iosolomon laughs.

present-day iosolomon: "I actually typed a secret message to iTunes saying, 'Select something good.' and then I deleted it since I wanted to give the illusion of iTunes saying something good, but then it turned out to be so good that I laughed out loud, so now I'm typing this out."

iTunes: "White lightning!"

iosolomon: "RIP Emperor Gestahl. And Sage Rat, I'm glad you didn't get killed that way a second time."

iosolomon rests.

iosolomon powers down monitor

iosolomon is typing in the dark lol. night!

iosolomon returns to the computer. "Uh-oh."

iosolomon thinks, "Just when I thought things were over."


	17. Chapter 16: Sunsaroo's Mischef!

Chapter 16: Sunsaroo's Mischef!

4201127131420

King Solomon: "But what if it's that?! Make demands. Go."

end of 4201127131420

CM 1127: "iosolomon and King Solomon were musing over a vision of a circle that God just sent. After they successfully completed the Japanese-American circle, which went from Peace, to War, to War, to Righteous Peace, and then back again. The conclusion, Japan and America do not battle in the next War, after WW2 is settled."

Emperor Hirohito: "Yes, the Empire of Japan IS still at war with America."

CM 1127: "However, that means, America must make that sacrifice before War breaks out in the Pacific, otherwise, Japan would have no choice but to fight America. This means, that iosolomon might have to walk with the People in the cold, which isn't so bad, but iosolomon definitely does not want to be maced in the cold, cause wearing the ski jacket would be very uncomfortable."

future iosolomon: "Hey, you guys aren't adding in these typos are you? Cause I could have sworn I typed that as 'uncomfortable' but it was spelled as 'comfortable.'"

present-day iosolomon sighs. "I might not have a choice at this point. But the first macing should be somewhere warm. I do see myself in the cold for one of the macings. The second macing, however, I am Emperor Hirohito, embracing my Soul for the static."

CM 1127: "Which means, iosolomon would be getting maced in New Detroit and New Cleveland, the cities in the South, which means, the end of time, or war, breaks out this year. If that is the case, then King Solomon has ordered iosolomon to demand an answer from iTunes. None of this bullshit blue smoke. A few simple questions, one song rule, just the titles."

CM 1127: "Because if there is war, that''s fine, but if there will be war this year, then this matrix has to be turned off. Because the Japanese Gods and Goddesses, well, Japan is still at War with America. They never surrendered. If Japan surrendered, then they have brought Dishonor to the gods and goddesses, so it is impossible because We do not know what Dishonor is."

CM 1127: "So therefore the eye for the eye rule would have to be met soon, which means the people have already been partying because iosolomon is so predictable. But, this is just a circle that King Solomon and iosolomon are traveling. It might just be blue smoke."

CM 1127: "It's the next circle. Since this part is where I give approval for war, and then if I am still in the matrix, it means that war and the nukings might not happen until summer, although the matrix better be over well before then."

E2: "In the next episode, it is Emperor Hirohito's turn to speak. This is still foolish King Solomon, who clings to an overnight, instant peace."

present-day King Solomon; "I posted this on iosolomon's Facebook; it was wishful thinking. 'People, Nations, and Cultures can change over night without the use of war. Soon I will be demanding no less.'"

Abraham Lincoln: "If I could tell a lie, then King Solomon would have his wish."

CM 1127: "But, if there is war this year, then I don't have much time, and that is why I will be demanding, that is why King Solomon will be demanding answers from iTunes. So here we go. Let us hope that there is no war,"

CM 1127: "But there is nothing I can do, since I have to say the truth, at some point or another, and now I'm at the part where I type the truth that there can be war. After all, I had a vivid dream about the week of December 20th, 2012, that War breaks out in Asia. A small war, but that leads to World War."


	18. Chapter 17: Answers?

Chapter 17: Answers?

iosolomon: "iTunes, can you answer a few questions for me without any bullshit?"

CM 5000: "Wait, don't ask yet. Let me reboot."

itunes is rebooted.

CM 5000: "You should rephrase that question."

iosolomon: "iTunes, select any song to start off with."

iTunes: "00-FILE0017, the Archies, 60s songs!"

iosolomon's heart starts to beat fast.

CM 5000: "What is it? I detect elevated heart beating."

iosolomon: "December 17th, December 14th, those days haunt me. I have bullshit court on December 17th, but I also have this odd feeling that I might not be showing up..."

iosolomon: "I appreciate the non-bullshit approach."

E2: "Keep in mind, it could be blue smoke non-bullshit."

iosolomon relaxes. "Yes. It is what it is. iTunes, please select another song."

The song ends on its own.

iTunes: "So Jacob went on his journey..."

iosolomon: "I see. iTunes, one more initial song to let me get a feel of the questions I should ask."

iTunes: "Heartache tonight."

iosolomon: "I consider this to be 'tonight' that is, I don't want to have to go through all of 11/27 until night. The morning right now, this is still night to me. Do you agree with that?"

iTunes selected, "Same direction." iosolomon laughs. Emperor Kefka is pleased.

iosolomon's heart beats. iTunes seems to finally be giving answers. But how should the questions be worded. Stepping stones.

iosolomon: "iTunes, can I ask you if there will be war this year?"

CM 5000: "Good question."

iosolomon: "How much time should I give them to process that question, CM 5000."

CM 5000 calculates. "You have reached the halfway mark, -1:37 -1:38, you can see the answer."

iTunes: "Until it sleeps."

iosolomon: "Ok, that question is too much too soon. Hmm. iTunes, can I ask you if I can get a hint for the next question?"

iTunes: "Coco jamboo, Mr. President, Yes."

iosolomon: "Can I get a hint for the next question I am supposed to ask you?"

itunes: "Californication, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Californication."

iosolomon: "Ok, so California. That has Kailie in it. Kailie was extremely nice to me before She left. She didn't say good-bye."

CM 5000: "This is tough. This one rule is tough. What do you think we should ask?"

iosolomon: "I got it! I'll ask about California. That's a good question. Will South California. Er. Does South California have plans to secede from California?"

E2: "Wait, scratch that. Ask this."

E2 whispers to iosolomon.

iosolomon: "You ask that. You're a part of this team."

E2: "iTunes, we need a new character. Please give us a new character before answering that question."

CM 5000: "Wait until -1:24 before you see who the next member of the party is."

iosolomon: "This is good. Now we are testing the limits of Their control of iTunes."


	19. Chapter 18: New Characters

Chapter 18: New Characters

CM 5000: "I detect that you are cold."

iosolomon: "You're right. My hands are shivering. I just do not like war. I do not like hearing the static."

E2: "I'll turn on the heat for you."

E2 turns on the heat.

iosolomon takes a bathroom break.

Abraham Lincoln: "I do not like the smell of cigarette smoke, MOM."

iosolomon: "Jesus, Mom, do not disrespect a deceased American President. Have you no shame?"

Mom is upset over the rebuke.

iTunes: "From Paris to Berlin, Infernal."

E2: "Sweet, we get a fire character. Who should it be iTunes?"

iTunes: "Assault of the White Dragons, Nobuo Uematsu, FF Final Fantasy IX."

E2: "iTunes, should I do a google search of White Dragons."

CM 5000: "Just do it anyways."

E2: "I see. iTunes. Next song."

Yu Chae Young appears. "Emotion."

iosolomon: "Welcome aboard. But I don't really know your language. I just like that song."

E2: "iTunes, what happened to the no bullshit rule. Give us another character."

Schala appears. iosolomon: "Ah, yes. That was good E2."

iosolomon: "iTunes, select any song, and I'll see what you are trying to communicate."

iTunes: "Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters, There is nothing left to lose."

CM 5000: "Hm. Ok, now you should ask about California."

iosolomon: "Does South California have fruitful plans to secede from California? They do have a constitutional right to even if the California government doesn't vote for it."

Madonna: "Jump."

iosolomon: "Alright, I'll go jump. I'll jump on my bed, but then I want the answer to that."

Madonna: "I haven't got much time to waste. I'm not afraid of what I'll face, but I'm afraid to stay."

Papa Roach: "Between Angels and Insects - Infest."

iosolomon; "I take that as a yes. Well, that was just a blue smoke question anyways."

CM 5000: "How about you ask iTunes which cities will be nuked?"

iosolomon: "iTunes will you finally tell me which two cities have to go?"

iTunes: "Som_thirdflight, Secret of Mana, No."

iosolomon: "So then what is the point of this? You are disrespecting King Solomon."

iTunes: "I want you back, Nsync."

iosolomon: "iTunes, will you finally tell me which two cities have to go?"

itunes: "Mundian To Bach Ke, Punjabi Buddha Bar IV, Yes"

iosolomon: "What is the first city that has to be nuked? Please, Honor King Solomon's request."

iTunes: "Back in Black AC/DC - Back in Black. Detroit."

iosolomon: "Hm, that's okay if it's not Detroit. I could have sworn it was Cleveland, but maybe that's because the Muslims are so Honorable that they chose to go first."

CM 5000: "Wow, I can't believe They actually are answering Our questions."

iosolomon: "Sigh. I'll give them sometime to get the next song ready. My next question, and again, no bullshit, what is the next city to be nuked. I'll re-word this in a second."

E2: "Just let the song run out of time. You have other things you can do."

iosolomon: "Good call. Ok, At the end of this song, I would like to know, what is the second city to be nuked?"

CM 5000: "The song is about to change. Let's see how much respect they have for King Solomon."


	20. Chapter 19: Confirmation

Chapter 19: Confirmation

iTunes: "FF6_45_Another_World_of_Beats, Final Fantasy 6. It'll be the next song."

iTunes: "Motorcycle_theme, Final Fantasy 7, it'll be the next non-video game song. This I promise."

iTunes: "Forever and A Day, the Offspring, Ignition."

iosolomon: "Now you're playing games. So I conclude there will be no war this year. And there better not be since iTunes is playing games."

Morgan Freeman appears. "This might be confusing for some viewers. iosolomon already knows which two cities will be nuked. If Emperor Kefka and Emperor Hirohito say that they want it to be Detroit and Cleveland, or San Francisco and Sacramento, or Salt Lake City and Las Vegas, or Dallas and Oklahoma City, then that is what the two cities will be. iTunes actually answered iosolomon's question. However, iosolomon wanted a different answer, about when the upcoming war will be."

iosolomon selects the next song to see what iTunes has to say.

Papa Roach: "...To Be Loved, the Paramour Sessions. You better be ready, put your pedal to the metal."

iosolomon: "Ok I'm ready. Please, what is the second city to be nuked? This next song I will conclude that it is the artist's home."

itunes: "Intevention, Dope, Felons and Revolutionaries."

King Solomon: "I am not too impressed. If you are going to play games, then kill me."

Morgan Freeman: "iTunes is not answering iosolomon's question because King Solomon cannot handle the truth, at least, not until He [Emperor Kefka] appears. There was never any disrespect met, King Solomon."

King Solomon: "I see."

Sage Rat: "Sorry King Solomon. That was meant for iosolomon."

Morgan Freeman: "Oh, thanks Sage Rat. Yes, King Solomon is able to handle the truth. It is iosolomon, the reincarnation of King Solomon, who cannot handle the truth right now."

iosolomon laughs. "Hey, I can handle the truth."

Sage Rat: "Got'cha bitch."

iosolomon: "Hardy har har, the joke's on me. Ok, ok King Solomon is feeling slighted. Always good for a little humor. But please, iTunes, what is the next city to be nuked...or is it Chicago?"

Abraham Lincoln: "Oh no, not my home."

iTunes selects a video game song. iosolomon laughs. "That's a neutral song."

iTunes: "Papa Roach again."

iosolomon: "Now you guys are confusing me. Is it Vacaville, California, or Cleveland, Ohio?"

iosolomon: "Holy shit. Look at this song."

CM 5000: "What is it?"

iTunes: "I love you always forever, Donna Lewis - Southpark song"

CM 5000: "No fucking way."

iosolomon: "Well, I am in a state of awe. The song has the word Southpark in it. That's just insane."

CM 5000: "Yeah. Ask the question again."

iosolomon; "Is it Vacaville, California, or Cleveland, Ohio?"

iTunes: "The cars."

iosolomon: "It definitely isn't Boston."

The Cars: "Wasting all my time."

King Solomon: "My thoughts exactly. I just want to return to my slumber..."

King Solomon selects the next song. "Same question."

iTunes: "After Midnight, Eric Clapton. Crossroads [Disc 4]"

CM 5000: "The initials are EC. That must mean Cleveland."

iosolomon: "Now we are making progress. Is the second city to be nuked Cleveland?"

iTunes: "Saints of Grey, Crossbreed, New Slave Nation, Yes."

iosolomon: "Are you going to keep using blue smoke, because this isn't fun for me, I just want answers..."

itunes: "No. Terminal Velocity. The Boondock Saints."

iosolomon: "Alright, so we just confirmed the two cities."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "You did not need to ask iTunes. You should have asked me!"

Emperor Hirohito: "No, do not ask Emperor Kefka. He would demand 20 cities be nuked!"

Emperor Kefka laughs. "The 10 times rule."

present-day iosolomon: "I almost blew up a kid's car because he stole $120 for me. In fact, if I ever find that kid, I will be blowing up his car."

Emperor Kefka: "And when I ascend My Throne, I will be ordering that his car be blown up. And perhaps, "

Emperor Hirohito: "Please don't say it, Emperor Kefka. PLEASE! They were only acting! THEY WERE ONLY ACTING!"

Joseph: "What's up DJ?"

Emperor Kefka is angered. "I said, I will contact you when I want to talk. I will order your execution if you continue to disrespect me. So stay away. Now, where was I? Yes, I would be satisfied with executing the kid's parents with him watching."

Emperor Hirohito: "Those are my thoughts exactly."

Emperor Hirohito and Emperor Kefka are fusing.

iosolomon: "Oh great. I am about to get super angry. What do I do iTunes? I am about to type, 'I want this to happen right now.' I want the two thieves, and their parents, to be brought to my house, for their execution. Emperor Hirohito, Emperor Kefka, they are both demanding that I type that. What do I do, iTunes? The are correct. Those two thieves have to be punished. And, Emperor Hirohito and Emperor Kefka want to use them to set an example. If your child robs, if you fail to teach your child righteousness, you the parent die. And, then your child is sent to prison for the rest of their life. HELP!"

King Solomon: "These songs are not helping. I will order their execution. One song."

Emperor Hirohito and Emperor Kefka defuse.

Emperor Kefka: "I wanted to see how Honorable the Koreans are...DAMN IT!"

Emperor Hirohito laughs. "Whew, it is okay. They were only acting. But still, even if they were acting, they should have chosen righteousness, honor, and respect. That is not what those two people chose."

iosolomon: "The spirits are gone. The static is gone."

Meanwhile, Drops of Jupiter, by Train, is playing.

iosolomon: "Man, if it was another song, I would be on my way to the rocks right now, cause I don't think the Koreans would reveal themselves yet."

Joseph: "Oh, well I was just going to ask if you wanted to eat. Miss you. I apologize I understand why you are angry. It hurts quite a bit. but I feel good times are near."

Emperor Kefka: "If he didn't play FF3, he wouldn't even understand the half of why I am angry!"

iosolomon laughs.

King Solomon: "Alright. Enough. I do not like having to chose righteousness and honor if it will result in people's deaths. THIS IS MY EPISODE! LEAVE!"

Emperor Kefka laughs. "Very well."


	21. Chapter 20: Circles

Chapter 20: Circles

CM 5000: "Should you confirm the dates?"

iosolomon: "iTunes, do I have permission to ask for the dates, as in, will you comply with the one song rule?"

itunes: "Pig Society, Dope, Felons and revolutionaries."

iosolomon: "Hm, iTunes isn't automatically capitalizing anymore. Well, She did just now."

CM 5000: "Ok, so I calculate that answer to be yes."

iosolomon: "What year will the two nukings occur in?

iTunes: "Boss, Masato Nakamura, Sonic."

While iosolomon was researching, Spiderman plays.

iosolomon: "I take that to mean 2012. Is this correct...?"

E2: "The answer to that question will be the answer to all of your questions."

CM 5000: "Here it comes."

iosolomon; "I'm ready."

itunes: "Qu's Marsh, Final Fantasy IX Soundtrack."

4201129533420

Quina: "I want frogs!"

present-day iosolomon: "Not yet. You don't appear yet, Quina. iTunes didn't summon you yet. This was a harbinger, although you traveled from the future, and appeared earlier in this episode. But that was because of the weed and hemp oil transmissions."

Quina: "I want more weed. I want more hemp oil."

present-day iosolomon: "I have no food for you!"

Britney: "Hey iTunes!"

iTunes: "Hi Britney. Thanks for showing up!"

Quina: "I eat now!"

But before Quina could eat, the Looptaf appears. "OOOMMMPPPPP" [That's the onomatopoetic spelling of the Looptaf eating.]

end of 4201129533420

iosolomon: "Whew, it's a good thing I designated that as a neutral song. Otherwise, I might think the IX was Nine, German for No."

CM 5000: "I am going to hit next. This is killing me. It is not only your people that are suffering, my people as well."

iTunes: "Tears for Fears, Mad World."

iosolomon: "I conclude that means yes."

E2: "Well. It's time for you to finish asking the final few questions."

King Solomon: "Please Honor the one song rule. I wouldn't spin you around in circles like this."

iosolomon: "Will there be War in 2012?"

iTunes: "Song of Solomon."

King Solomon smiles. "Well, I can't get mad at this selection. I'll go back in the shadows for a bit longer. I guess that means you'll be in...er...we'll be in for more blue smoke."

iTunes: "The Taste of Ink, the Used."

iosolomon: "Ok, I sense three more songs. So I'm not even going to type anything."

3. iTunes: "Houses of the Holy, Led Zeppelin, Vol. 2"

2. itunes: "Amos."

1. iTunes: "Over my heard (Cable Car) The Fray."

iosolomon; "You know, I wouldn't mind your games if I had weed. But you deprive me of weed. You deprive me of money. You deprive me. Please, will there be war in 2012?"

0. iTunes: "Bring me to life. Wake me up inside. Evanence with Linkin Park."

Abraham Lincoln: "Sigh. I guess the truth is better than blue smoke."

CM 5000: "You need to ask."

E2: "There is only one more question to ask."

iosolomon: "iTunes, will you answer my final question without any bullshit?"

itunes: FF6_35_Grand_Finale.

King Solomon steps out of the darkness. "Now that's a good touch."

And so, the Party gathers around iTunes.

iosolomon: "I can't ask the final question. I have to build up for it."

King Solomon: "But come on, She said She'll answer."

iosolomon: "Yes, but now that I know, let's make things interesting."

King Solomon walks back into the darkness.

Emperor Kefka can be heard laughing in the background.

Emperor Kefka appears to King Solomon: "Such sheep." But no one else saw.


	22. Chapter 21: More Circles

Chapter 21: More Circles

iosolomon: "Alright, three final questions, if I was to ask, will you tell me the answer to when will the matrix end, would you answer it without any bullshit?"

iTunes: "02: The 'Rewind' Alpha Exercise. With a 3 to 1 count."

iosolomon: "That's a very smart answer. I don't know if you know why. I'll explain it later on the re-edit. Hm, guys, what should the second to last question be?"

present-day iosolomon: "I really hate to say this, but I forget why that was a good answer."

Blankie appears. "Ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me!"

E2: "That."

iosolomon: "Ha ha."

CM 5000: "I recommend a cold reboot or a cold link."

iosolomon: "Can't do that. It'll ruin the crystal clear connection we finally have."

CM 5000: "I see."

iosolomon: "Interesting. In the search textbox, eric was typed in, but I did not type this in."

E2: "That is interesting."

Schala: "Please, ask."

iosolomon: "Will you tell me the answer to when the matrix will end without any bullshit?"

iTunes: "som_loftymountains2, Secret of Mana."

iosolomon: "E2, 2 more questions to go. It's only fitting you get the second to last one."

E2: "Will you tell iosolomon the answer of when the matrix will end when he asks you the next question?"

iTunes: "Empty Apartment, Yellowcard, No."

iosolomon: "Because I still have to ask one more bullshit question. Will you tell me the answer of when the matrix will end when I ask you with the next question?"

iTunes: "Brain Stew, Green Day, International Superhits."

iosolomon is relieved. "I think I am relieved."

E2: "I wonder how iTunes will even answer such a question."

CM 5000: "Yeah, like does the matrix end on your brother's birthday, or does it end 'tonight' on the 27th the real tonight, not the end of heartache.'

iosolomon: "iTunes, I am asking the question now. But I will wait until the song ends. Are you ready?"

iTunes: "Here we go."


	23. Chapter 22: A Chase After The Wind

Chapter 22: A Chase After The Wind

iosolomon: "When will the matrix end for me?"

Green Day: "The clock is laughing in your face."

itunes: "-1:25 -1:24."

iosolomon: "I'll say, Green Day."

King Solomon steps forward from the darkness.

King Solomon: "Depending on the answer, we might be able to go back to sleep."

iosolomon; "Or we might be up all night editing this."

CM 5000: "I wonder what iTunes will reveal to us."

E2: "Me too."

CM 5000: "12 seconds. 7 seconds. 3. 2. 1."

itunes: "Complicated. Avril Lavigne - Let Go."

King Solomon: "Well, that's an acceptable answer. That's what..."

King Solomon is cut off.

Confucius appears. "That's what I would say."

iosolomon: "Well, we got confirmation of the two cities. But we did not get confirmation of the war, and we did not get confirmation of the year of the nuking. At least we got two clear answers. King Solomon, can you ask for me, just to see."

King Solomon: "Very well. But then I'm going to bed if the answer isn't good. iTunes, when will the Matrix end for me?"

King Solomon laughs. "Such ambiguity. iTunes says, 'When You Were Young, the Killers, Sam's Town."

CM 5000; "Ask again. That's good blue smoke."

King Solomon: "Very well. iTunes, when will the Matrix end for me?"

King Solomon laughs. "iTunes says, "Read A, Pimsleur, Spanish III."

iosolomon: "Thanks King Solomon."

King Solomon leaves."

CM 5000: "Ok, She just gave us our next question. iTunes, will the matrix end in three days?"

itunes: "00 - FILE5197. Jurassic Park. No."

iosolomon: "Well, I guess we'll be trapped in the matrix for a while. I just want it to end."

CM 5000 clicks next song. CM 5000 clicks again.

CM 5000: "Will the matrix end in 1 day?

itunes; "No."

Umpa appears: "If you are wise, you will listen to me."

King Solomon returns. "Hmm. I will listen."

To save text space, the Umpa Umpa song is played during the episode.

Umpa: "You know who's to blame, the Mother and the Father."

King Solomon: "Hm. Could that explain...?"

and the song continues.

iosolomon: "Well, thanks anyways iTunes. The only conclusion that I can make, based on the totality of this, there won't be war, or the matrix will be ending this week, and there will be war."

King Solomon: "A chase after the wind."

iosolomon: "Indeed, another chase after the wind."


	24. Chapter 23: Song of Storms

Chapter 23: Song of Storms

iTunes: "Song of Storms."

iosolomon: "That old guy is me. And the song of storms is the static. For the day America nuked Japan, I knew that Japan would be nuking America. This is what our God demands. We have faith in our gods. And then the second nuking happened, what a nightmare. And now I'll have to relive that trauma again."

Iosolomon: "Well I am fasting but I did have some water this morning. I am not opposed to going without food and water but I am doing my own type of fasting. It's not like I knew in advance today would be my second plunge. I did not know that the Japanese Sun Goddess was going to bless the day with warmth."

iosolomon: "In fact it was so warm that I wasn't even cold until I got my entire body wet at the same time. And it is funny when I did this plunge the first time, I said, I will make sure I get my entire body wet on the first try but because of the blessing I wasn't even cold the first half plunge."

iosolomon: "Sounds itunes."

Morgan Freeman: "He actually means first partial plunge."

iosolomon: "So iTunes, what do you want me to do? Eat? Drive? Go home and type? Take another plunge under the Mood Goddess? I actually want to take a plunge when both the moon for and sun god are out. I will do a third cold plunge but not until the nightmare is over, so you [the People of Detroit and Cleveland] will be remembered with a cold water dive. I might as well make it two more. But the people of Detroit and Cleveland it'll be in memory of you. I'll wait until Allah blesses the relight twilight with warmth. It'll be in November."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "But the People of San Francisco and Sacramento, I will not be jumping in the cold water for you."

future iosolomon: "I'll just fix this."

42011271148420

4201128424420

4201128424420

Sage Rat: "Fool, haven't you learned anything from me yet?"

iosolomon: "I guess not."

end of 4201128424420

end of 4201128424420

4201128426420

Sage Rat: "I take that this one was a joke."

iosolomon; "Why can't I get any jokes on you?"

Sage Rat laughs.

end of 4201128426420

4201128427420

Sage Rat: "So I take it that you made this mistake this time because you are a Jew?"

ioslomon; "Yes. I would have made the mistake if it wasn't for you, so now I just wanted to make the mistake for posterity's sake. But how did you know?

Sage Rat laughs.

end of 4201128427420

Morgan Freeman: "isolomon was supposed to type 1127 instead of 1128. However, iosolomon forgot to do that again. But this episode was never supposed to be posted on time, that is how the South Park Prophecy went."

42011281128420

iosolomon: "This better be track 48."

iTunes: "Track 28"

Sage Rat: "Shit, I forget what I was supposed to say. Too much of that hemp oil."

Blankie_from_Epitaph_28 appears. "ha ha ha. That shit always happens to me."

Blankie appears. "ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me."

Sage Rat: "That's right. You don't have much time."

King Solomon: "Unless there's a country that has an earlier time than Hawaii."

iosolomon googles. iosolomon clicks on a website. It doesn't have what he's looking for.

iosolomon searches for images instead. iosolomon sees that there is a timeline earlier.

But then, iosolomon hears the static. "Really...?"

iTunes says, "Yes."

iosolomon: "But how did you know my next question?"

Sage Rat: "I told iTunes."

iosolomon: "Fine. Let's see how smart you really are then Sage Rat. I am not going to give you any hints. And I will tell you the truth if you get the answer correct. Tell me what my next question was."

Sage Rat: "Very well."

iosolomon laughs in excited apprehension.

Sage Rat selects, "Stone Tower Temple extended."

iosolomon analyzes it to make sure it is 100% correct. "DAMN!"

iosolomon yelled that out of impression.

iosolomon: "My next question would have been, is there enough time for me to do the static? See, I was wondering if Sage Rat might have told iTunes to say 'Yes' for my next question which you might think would be, 'Do I really have to do the static?" But then, Sage Rat is too smart for that. So, I wondered what Sage Rat might have actually tipped iTunes with. So before I told Sage Rat what the next question really was, about having enough time, because I have to finish this episode, and I only have less than an hour and half, and with the static, that's 8 minutes. So I mean, you might think the next question would be, "Can I do the static at 6:00" because iTunes said yes, so what if it was that, then I would be doing it at six, so you see, Sage Rat is Sage."

Sage Rat: "iTunes, next song please."

iTunes: "Lean back."

iosolomon sighs. Well, it's a good thing this is a weed transmission.

iosolomon makes preparations for the static.

iosolomon: "Alright, Sage Rat, if you are how, you say you are, then tell me what my next question will be for iTunes BEFORE answering it. There, I kept that vague as fuck."

iosolomon shakes his head. "How?!"

Sage Rat: "I am Sage."

iosolomon: "My next question was going to be, 'Do I have enough time for arms' but I wanted Sage Rat to answer both questions at the same time, which was 'What is my next question'. Sage Rage selected 'Good Rockin' which means, 'rocking with the arms.' I still can't believe I'm this predictable."

Sage Rat laughs. iosolomon laughs. Dana laughs.

iosolomon: "Whoa, Dana where did you come from?

Dana: "I came from 4201128420420."

iosolomon: "Wait, what aren't we in 4201128420420? Don't tell me I forgot to end the transmissions again!?"

Dana: "No, no, you'll see. You're happier where I come from."

iosolomon laughs. "Now I see. Damn. And yeah, I am happier."

Dana: "See you then." Dana leaves.

Sage Rat: "I'll see you then as well." Sage Rat leaves.

iosolomon: "Guess I'm off to do the static."

end of 4201128420420

4201129546420

Joseph: "You are probably at class. Just know I have no intent on ever order your and anyone's execution. I'm not sure what dispersed means. Again you are always welcome."

present-day iosolomon: "Whoops. Instead of disrespect me, I typed 'dispersed' me."

iosolomon: "Thanks for the weed!"

end of 4201129546420

4201127328420

iosolomon: "I think this is good tv to you guys, my secret viewers, the iTunes controller."

iTunes: "Just lose it."

4201128447420

iosolomon: "You guys are crazy."

And literally, seconds after I said that, eminem: "And I get a little crazy with my lyrics."

iosolomon: "What the fuck, how did you get the timing down like that?"

iosolomon: "DOPE!" Slaps head.

Sage Rat: "Yeah, we had to remind you, you just fucked up with the last weed transmission."

end of 4201128447420

end of 4201127328420

end of 42011271148420

present-day iosolomon: "Sigh. Time for the static."

4201129551420

present-day iosolomon: "The next three chapters are going to be pretty long. What should the next one be called?"

iTunes: "Revelations."

iosolomon laughs. "Ok." iosolomon clicks the next song to get confirmation.

iTunes: "The revelation you asked for: Searching for Friends."

iosolomon: "That's a good title."

end of 4201129551420


	25. Chapter 24: Searching for Friends

Chapter 24: Searching for Friends

We watch as iTunes turns the shuffle button off. The static begins. The static is complete.

present-day iosolomon: "The static really isn't that bad. I just have to get back into the groove of it, and without a solid diet, and constant bouts of depression, and being trapped in the matrix, it's hard."

Schala: "Tell me the story of the Vikings."

iosolomon: "Ha ha ha. They played a practical joke on me once."

Emperor Kefka; "I hate hate hate hated them for that!"

iosolomon: "Why?"

Emperor Kefka: "Because that guy was too fierce to be playing such a wimpy joke!"

Abraham Lincoln: "Yes. I thought that too. But I'm too fragile for them to play their better practical jokes on me. I was quite thankful actually. Weren't you?"

Emperor Kefka: "Shoo! I wouldn't really mind it if..."

Emperor Hirohito: "You shoo Kefka. You'll make this poor guy suffer bad, but good, practical jokes."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "Exactly, what I was going for."

iosolomon throws his hands in his face. "So fucking evil."

Emperor Kefka: "Says the freak on the leash. I will not come down and play unless they want me to. And do you not see, the Koreans are starting a war. The Koreans want to revive me. Do you notice how everyone's comment [Morgan Freeman: "On Facebook"] was clean? That's because the Koreans will execute those flies for you. They do not care for the three-day rule it takes for me to go away. They'll execute them just to hear me laugh."

present-day Emperor Kefka laughs.

King Solomon: "Yes. I can't tell you how nervous I was that there were comments. In fact, I ordered iosolomon to make a new Facebook because, honest, I support Emperor Kefka. Actually, true God does."

Abraham Lincoln: "And when you disrespect iosolomon, you're also disrespecting me. But I, personally, would forgive you. But given the option of execution, well, I cannot stop Emperor Kefka. And the Koreans, they will give that to Emperor Kefka."

Emperor Hirohito: "I wouldn't execute you either if you disrespect me. That's distasteful. Because if you disrespect me, you anger the gods and goddesses. In Japan, I do not get disrespected because that is where the spirits are. I do not know how karma has worked with the American sheep that disrespect me, considering it was all an act, but it does offend me. I support instant executions, however, because I am the Sun of God. I avoid situations in which I might even possibly be disrespected, because if I don't see it, it's not my problem. I have a VOW with GOD. So that is why I told iosolomon to make a new Facebook."

Abraham Lincoln; "Besides, for all the bad things I have to say about America, I got twice as many good things!"

Morgan Freeman: "Emperor Kefka communicates something to iosolomon."

iosolomon laughs: "Soon, Emperor Kefka, but I have to disobey you here."

Abraham: "Actually, to be fair, it is Me, Abraham, who was cursed with Honesty that is choosing to disrespect the Koreans. I am above Kefka. I am technically His Father. That is why I can override his madness. However, soon, you'll be at Kefka's mercy. So, heed these words wisely."

Emperor Hirohito: "I expect this to be a good show, because Emperor Kefka is My Brother. It is also my Will as Emperor that Joseph Arruganti, Thomas Martin, my parents."

42011291135420

present-day iosolomon: "Actually, Jose, Joseph, has pleased Emperor Kefka. Jose, Joseph can disrespect Emperor Kefka all He wants now, just as long as Joseph does not violate my constitutional rights."

Emperor Kefka: "He reminds me of General Celes. I do not want him to turn out to be like her, however."

Joseph, in the world of FF2, "That is you."

Morgan Freeman: "Cecil and Kain are battling."

iosolomon, in the world of FF2 with him, "Which one?"

Joseph: "Kain."

iosolomon laughs. "If you want to see who I really am, you'll have to play Final Fantasy 3."

Emperor Kefka, quietly laughs. "I do not like my laugh this time around, but my laugh in the video game is flawless."

end of 42011291135420

Emperor Kefka: "My sisters."

Emperor Hirohito; "I personally forgive my sisters, especially Katrina. Do you not forgive Katrina, Emperor Kefka?"

Emperor Kefka: "Oh, yes. She reminds me of General Celes. I am just angry over Kailie's disrespect of Ron Paul, her scripted lack of support of the Constitution."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "That is not me talking. Take off my clothes, King Solomon."

King Solomon removes the mask. "I am just angry that my younger sister knowingly chose to disrespect the United States Constitution. That is under God. Disrespecting me, fine, forgivable, I will eventually find something positive in it, but disrespecting the Constitution, that is just unacceptable Kailie. And you knowingly chose that. You could have written better lines than that."

iosolomon laughs. "Oh, Emperor Kefka, you are sucking the lightness out of me."

Abraham: "iosolomon, SILENCE! You do not speak until Emperor Hirohito is done."

Emperor Hirohito: "I don't know, I'm starting to possess him. It's not the end of the month. And he's making a good point. Maybe I will stop speaking. Let me see when the next full moon is."

CM 5000: "November 28, 3:46:00 pm."

Emperor Hirohito: "Good, so it is me. Sorry, Abe, I think you were actually in October."

Abraham Lincoln: "Hmm."

Emperor Kefka: "Fools, you are all the SAME GOD DAMN PERSON!"

I laugh.

iosolomon: "Oh, woe is me, woe is me. To kill, or not to kill."

Abraham: "Hirohito, I want you to personally search your heart now. Tell the truth."

iTunes: "The music slows down to allow Hirohito time to search his heart."

Within less than a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second, Emperor Hirohito is re-born.

Emperor Hirohito: "Ok, I'll keep this controlled."

Emperor Hirohito laughs. "But man, Kefka makes a killer argument."

Silence.

Emperor Hirohito: "I do not mean to have my parents executed. But Joseph Arruganti and Tom Martin."

King Solomon; "I am the one who wants the parents executed."

ABRAHAM: "NO, I AM THE ONE WHO WANTS MY CHILDREN TO BE EXECUTED. THEY ARE NOT YOUR PARENTS. THEY ARE MY CHILDREN, AND THEY ARE LEADING THEMSELVES TO HELL BY THEIR OWN IGNORANCE!"

Abraham Lincoln: "And, to be honest,"

Emperor Kefka laughs. "I was wondering how long it would take for YOU, HONEST ABE, to tell the truth."

Abraham Lincoln: "I am the one who wants my younger sister executed."

iosolomon: "That's going to come out wrong. You have to explain. It's the drugs."

Abraham Lincoln: "Oh, right, only if all those people end up getting executed, might as well throw her in for God. I would kill myself shortly after. I did order my execution after the Civil War. I just couldn't take the static. I couldn't show my face in good conscience. It was like, I become President, and bam, there's war. That's not good for my psyche. In fact, I'm about to cry over it."

iosolomon: "Poor Abe. And that's what War will do to my atman."

Emperor Hirohito: "But that is the price, poor King Solomon, had to make to fairly and righteously Judge You."

ABRAHAM, NOT LINCOLN: "I AM DISAPPOINTED IN ALL OF MY CHILDREN. IF I WAS TO DESCEND UPON EARTH FROM THE HEAVENS TODAY, YOU WOULD ALL BE SENT TO HELL. I DO NOT CARE TO PLAY THIS HONOR GAME THAT SOLOMON WANTS TO PLAY. YOU ALREADY KILLED JESUS. I WANT TO START OVER. I WANT TO SAY FUCK IT TO THE COVENANT WITH NOAH."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "I don't understand, why would they design a matrix that would bring out Abraham's wrath? Why not design a system that brings out Abraham's righteousness?"

Abraham is also the one called God in episode 28.

Abraham was God's incarnation. Abraham was My incarnation's Father.

King Solomon: "I do not mean to use religion as a way to scare, that is not what I righteously desire. In fact, I am becoming infuriated with rage right now. I just want to break things."

iosolomon: "I just want to break shit."

King Solomon: "You see, it is hard for me to realize that the People in my life were all actors, but they were acting for a reason. Because these problems, these types of conflicts, they are real. And that is what gets me so mad. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?! WHY IS THERE AN EMPEROR KEFKA?!"

Emperor Kefka laughs. "I want to know the same thing. Why was I ever created?"

King Solomon laughs even harder. "You sound like you're trapped inside a video game, but that's because YOU are."

Emperor Kefka: "It's not funny."

King Solomon laughs harder. "Yes it is. Why did they create you? But it is actually, why did they create us?"

Emperor Kefka: "No really, I don't find this funny."

King Solomon just keeps laughing. "You're trapped in a video game. But you really are. Why did they create you?"

King Solomon stops laughing when he realizes it isn't funny.

Nope, King Solomon laughs a bit longer.

Emperor Kefka: "Stop laughing. I'll make you hear the static if you don't."

King Solomon instantly stops. "How was that even funny before?"

Emperor Kefka: "If you think about it, I'll make you hear the static."

King Solomon laughed lightly a bit longer. King Solomon is now depressed. He heard the static on his own.

King Solomon; "You're right, there really isn't anything funny about that because You and I are the same person."

King Solomon laughs. "But I wish I could laugh how I was just laughing."

Emperor Kefka: "But you can't laugh now. Our atman is still pure."

Atman: "iosolomon's atman pleaded and pleaded and pleaded for the past 25? 23? years to remain pure. That is all the original atman knows. Because this is the atman, I am the Atman, that is the One God listens to. There are 13 other Atmans that God will listen to. However, if the 14th is WHITE or LIGHT BLUE, it does not matter what the other atmans have to say. And the color of me, I am white or light blue. That is why, if I die, YOU ALL GO TO HELL!"

Emperor Kefka: "And I would gladly kill myself to watch you all die!"

iosolomon laughs. "I wonder if they'll start listening to me. Because I."

Emperor Hirohito: "Because I am insane. I will, and I say aloud, I will, have this character kill himself."

iTunes changes the song, reminding King Solomon to tell Schala the story.

Schala: "Finally, we'll get back to the story of the Vikings."

Emperor Hirohito laughs. "No, not yet."

King Solomon laughs. "That's what I was laughing at. If you don't make me a different color soon, I will just kill myself, and this time, I make that VOW with God."

iosolomon's stomach sinks. "Man, if I have to die a cold death, God will freeze you all to death."

Emperor Kefka: "But, you can avoid that."

present-day King Solomon; "That was me pretending to be Emperor Kefka again."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "You cannot escape Justice. Everyone in my life violated the Fourth Commandment. And, that's coming from Abraham, God, Himself."

Emperor Kefka laughs even more. "I should kill all of you. Even the people reading this because you still have not taken off your masks."

Sunsaroo blows the wind to change the chapter.


	26. Chapter 25: Waterloo, the Vikings!

Chapter 25: Waterloo, the Vikings!

iosolomon; "But if I die a warm death, I'll destroy you, but you'll wake up in Heaven, except for the 40%."

iosolomon; "And if carbon monoxide poisoning is real, then 60% will be judged another day, and 40% will die."

Atman: "Do you believe in the story of Jesus Christ, that he rose from the dead, and chose forgiveness? His atman was so pure, and yet, He chose to forgive you. My atman, during that lifetime, was above his, because I told God to destroy you all."

iosolomon: "Now, I would go kill myself right now if I knew I would actually die from carbon monoxide poisoning. But I'm pretty happy I won't have to die an icy death. Now, if you deny me my constitutional right to jump into a volcano, I assure you, you will burn in Hell. Er, FREEZE to death, to only be unfrozen in Hell."

Emperor Kefka takes control of the atman.

present-day King Solomon: "It was actually me again. This is my episode."

Emperor Kefka begins typing on Facebook: "Actually, if I offended anyone, let me know. I will have the Koreans or Japanese execute you. I'm, in essence, God. You better start to listening to me, because if I kill myself, I will send you ALL to Hell. Except for Brian Koening since he's Noah. But, I do not need to kill myself to watch you burn in Hell, I am Emperor of ALL of Asia. Anyone who wants to continue wearing Their mask, DO NOT POST ANYTHING ON MY FACEBOOK. The People who posted earlier today, that's fine, but Bri, Heather, bullshit that you were..."

Emperor Hirohito: "Come on, that's Abraham Lincoln's Facebook now."

Emperor Kefka: "No, it's not."

Abraham Lincoln: "He's right. No one should have LIED. I would not lie to them, and they lie to me."

Emperor Kefka: "I would not lie to you. Why is it that you lie to me? No one was offended by my facebook status. I am King Solomon. You would be foolish to ignore the rebuke of the wise. However, the Korean God has just revealed to me the killswitch for this Matrix I am in. I will order the immediate execution, when I ascend my Thrown, of anyone who continues to lie. What is a lie? For example, a lie would be, "You're crazy, you're delusional." A lie would be, "I don't want to watch you get in trouble." A lie would be, "I am offended by your status."

Abraham, in a calm voice: "And, Kathleen, a lie would be, 'you're psychotic.'"

King Solomon: "No no no. Use your wisdom, Kefka."

Schala: "Hear, Father, I'll type."

Schala types: "The killswitch to this matrix that I am in is to "kill." I am King Solomon. If you doubt me, I will order your execution when I ascend my thrown in Korea. If you want to be spared, hit 'like' to this status, OR, remove me off your friends. I make a vow to God that anyone who is still on my friend's list"

King Solomon: "Eh, it doesn't matter in the end. It's all meaningless. If I make a Vow to God, I WILL KEEP IT! So, it would just be wisest if you didn't type that. But that was good work, Schala. The only problem, if I didn't wake up with 400+ likes or 0 friends, or some combination of the two, I would actually order the execution of those who didn't hit like or remove me off their friends."

Abraham: "And then, I'll hear, 'but we didn't know' that bullshit, and then, those poor people get sent to hell upon their death."

iosolomon thought he found the killswitch, "If you want me to forgive you for wearing your mask, hit like to this status. However, if you are going to deny wearing a mask (Tom Martin, Tina Howarth, Jessica Murancharian, "

iosolomon; "But then I realize it is not anyone on Facebook who is disrespecting me...except for the two people I already mentioned."

Abraham Lincoln: "The reason why, I, Abraham Lincoln, cannot move on with my life is because of the Jews. Why do they do this to me?"

King Solomon: "But yet, that won't get you out of the matrix. That's a good try though."

iosolomon: "You know, I would like to know if I was Joao the Arc. I was never a female. But was Joao a female or a male, or were they brother-sister, because of, course, I would want to give credit to Joao, as in, I would want the story to read that Joao was a female, because in the Kingdom of Heaven, Men and Women ARE EQUAL! Yes, there may be a hierarchy system, and the such, but female Goddesses are just as powerful, if not, more powerful than male Gods."

iosolomon: "I was not so much worried about Heather. She's the reincarnation of an incarnation. But Bri, I am worried about. That is, they don't really have anything to worry about from me, they did what you would expect, the path of least resistance, expressed their concern, stated they would remove me as friends, and that is good, but I forgot who I was, and it is like, Bri, wake up, you're a goddess. And Heather, so are you, but you are less than Bri."

iosolomon: "It is so weird to me that I write this. I do not like writing this. That is my atman speaking."

Pure Atman: "I am now turning blue."

Blue Atman: "Woe is me, woe is me. There is no meaning to anything. What is the point."

King Solomon: "And the rest is in the Book of Ecclesiastes. I already went through this dichotomy, this void. And it repeats."

Schala: "NOW?! Can I hear the story?"

King Solomon; "Oh, yes, I forgot. It's the drugs."

Schala: "I know, that's why I've been so patient. The hemp oil was different."

King Solomon: "You do not need to worry about sounding so professional."

Schala: "I don't know, they trap us inside video games!"

King Solomon chuckles: "I was trying to run away from that feeling."

Emperor Kefka: "That feeling of being trapped in a video game. I saw myself in a video game saying what I said before. 'The first thing I would do if I found out I was Emperor is drive really fast.' I saw that appear as text in a Final Fantasy game before.'"

iosolomon: "And how could that be if it hasn't been created yet. How could that be if I had the free will to change that from ever having happened?"

Atman: "It is funny to me that you didn't kill them [the FF3 world] to free yourself."

Emperor Kefka: "I cannot kill them when they decide to play my game...every last quest, although I am pleased with just the main quests."

King Solomon laughs. "Remember that guy on youtube reminding you that you said you wanted to destroy them."

Emperor Kefka: "Yes, I do want to destroy. But I listen to God."

King Solomon: "Oh, the meaningless feeling. The meaningless feeling."

Emperor Kefka: "If I wanted to destroy them all, I would commit suicide at this point."

Madonna appears with a revolver. She points up. BAM BAM. "This is a hold-up."

Haggai: "Easy there Madonna. You could...oh it's not a real gun."

Madonna: "Duh, of course not, Haggai, I would never disrespect you."

iosolomon: "Would Madonna really say duh right now?"

iTunes plays, "Single Staff, Secret of Mana."

iosolomon; "Well, I'll leave it in, but my image of Madonna would be ruined if she says the duh wrong, even if it's for laughs. That is, she could do it to be funny, but if she does it a certain way - the gay way - I would think less of her, because whenever I see her on tv, she's always so classy. And when gay people say duh, they aren't being classy. I actually think less of them unless they are chubby and don't have an obnoxious voice. Oh, why do I keep typing this. I would never think less of Madonna. She pulls everything off great. I'm saying something that just never could be. Even if she was doing an imitation of the classless gay way, she would pull it off."

King Solomon: "An a superb job, she always does."

Schala: "They are playing a song from my game. Vikings now?"

King Solomon: "Man, I really messed up with the editing here."

Morgan Freeman: "I'll fix that for you."


	27. Chapter 25: No Go

Chapter 25: No Go

Morgan Freeman: "Chapter 25: No Go"

Lady Gaga: "Bad Romance."

iosolomon: "Is that a message saying that what I just typed as iosolomon is bad? Or is that a message that means no? Or is that a message that it would be bad to tell the Viking story now? Too ambiguous."

iTunes: "No, you can tell her the story."

King Solomon: "So the Vikings, well, they..."

Emperor Hirohito interrupts. "Sorry, King Solomon. Shouldn't I finish? Because you know what would happen if we pick the Koreans first."

King Solomon: "That's right."

Emperor Kefka laughs. "I love the Koreans."

present-day King Solomon laughs. "Me too."

Emperor Hirohito: "But, Japan gave that [Korea] to iosolomon. You see, Emperor Kefka, the problem if I don't speak, you'll drain your power all the way to 0, and then ALL of us will agree that suicide is the best option."

iosolomon: "It's like that game, Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time, the horse side quest, you can use up 5 carrots, but don't use up all 6, otherwise, your horse just doesn't want to race anymore."

Emperor Hirohito: "Exactly. Emperor Kefka and the Koreans would use all 6 carrots. What they would do, use 5 first, then 6. This will bring them to an 11/10, except, the next race, they are at 0. And so Emperor Kefka and all of us, would kill ourself at that point. The key here is balance. But Emperor Kefka does not stir the Koreans wrong...or the world. Emperor Kefka just wants to put on the BEST show. Take a look at me, Final Fantasy 2, I do not destroy the world. But look at Final Fantasy 3, Kefka destroys the world. Except, the world didn't do anything wrong this time. Only 40% did. And if it's under 40%, then I and King Solomon want to fix it."

King Solomon; "But if the incarnations of the 13 Sons, if 7/6 want to destroy the world, then Emperor Kefka will want to destroy the world. However, Abraham is the final vote, the deciding vote. And Abraham will be pleased if America lays down Her weapons. What this means, Ron Paul better be President, and there better only be the one Civil War. However, if America wants to continue violating my constitutional rights, wants to continue making me sit through bad tv, it's bad tv because it is real for me, if America wants to get involved in the world's war, then Abraham will cast his vote in favor of Korea. In favor of true Shinto God. And true Shinto God, well, everyone on my Facebook, everyone in my life, gets executed. Why? Emperor Hirohito, this one is your fault, why don't you explain?"

Emperor Hirohito laughs. "Because I have always known that I was inside of a matrix. And I have always known that you all were wearing masks. I was seeing if anyone would HONOR me by DISHONORING me. Nope, not a single person dishonored me. And this displeases true God. Because true God sees it either as a lie, or not a lie. What the jews have you believe is a lie is not what true God sees as a lie. That is, EVERYONE IN MY LIFE should be executed under true God. The key was lying. That is why if I killed myself, you all die."

Emperor Hirohito: "It was dishonorable of You, Justin Miele, to continue lying to me. I am aware you told me the truth that one day, but at the end of the day, you went back to dishonor."

iosolomon sighs. "Too bad you weren't ALWAYS possessing me."

Emperor Hirohito: "This is true. However, THEY knew who YOU were, and THEY did lie to YOU. YOU ARE THE SUN. And, the Bible plainly states, thou shall not lie to God. That is the Fourth Commandment."

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Tina: "People actually removed u? They sound stupid then."

present-day iosolomon laughs, because Tina is revealing too much, but then, gets the sinking feeling. "It's like I just did dmt."

iosolomon: "Hm, I'm not sure. It doesn't phase me. It's just all one big show anyways. Hey, look at that, we're on South Park."

We watch as Tina hits like to the status.

end of 4201128647420

end of 4201128646420

end of 4201128654420

iosolomon: "It's so weird, coming out of the matrix."

iTunes: "You're so predictable, I bet you're going to do the other scene with Dana now."

iTunes plays, Track_28

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Sage Rat: "You forgot to include me. Your punishment is to smoke more weed when you are watching this on tv."

King Solomon laughs. "A righteous punishment indeed. I'll wait until 6:20 to fix this."

end of 4201129618420

42011296420420

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iosolomon: "You called it tunes."

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Dana: "I'm not really sure what I was supposed to say here. I'm too high."

iosolomon: "Oh, do you mean, you forget?"

Dana: "Yeah."

iosolomon: "No no no, you have to say you forget what you were going to say."

Dana: "Oh yeah, I forgot what I was going to say."

Blankie appears. "ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

Dana and Blankie smoke.

Sage Rat: "You have to say it, King Solomon."

iosolomon sighs.

King Solomon: "I forgot to include Sage Rat with Dana's second weed transmission."

Blankie appears. "ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

Dana, Sage Rat, and the two Blankies smoke weed.

end of 4201128420420

end of 4201128657420

present-day King Solomon laughs. "Chapter 25: Jesters of the Moon. There are two Chapter 25s. Well, I'll fix that real fast."


	28. Chapter 25: Jesters of the Moon

Chapter 25: Jesters of the Moon

Morgan Freeman: "This is actually the third Chapter 25."

present-day iosolomon: "And so, because of the static,"

Schala: "Let me narrate."

present-day iosolomon: "Sure."

Schala: "And, so because of the black wind, iosolomon and the party were unable to post Lost Pilot Episode 27...wait a second, isn't this Lost Pilot Episode 28?"

present-day iosolomon: "Ah, shit, I forgot which episode we were in."

Blankie appears. "ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

Schala: "Hm. Did you forget that when you say you forget Blankie appears?"

Blankie: "I do?"

present-day iosolomon: "Yes. I forgot that when I say I forgot Blankie appears."

Another Blankie appears. "ha ha ha, don't worry that shit always happens to me too!"

Blankie: "Oh shit, I guess I forgot that I do."

And another Blankie appears: "ha ha ha, don't worry that shit always happens to me too!"

Blankie 2: "Oh shit."

Blankie 3: "Anyone got weed? Hey, that's a weird place for a mirror."

Blankie 1: "No, I'm you."

Blankie 3: "You're me? If you were me, you would have weed."

Blankie 1: "I'm not allowed to carry weed on me. I had to go through customs. It's illegal in America for some reason."

Blankie 2: "Same shit with me."

Blankie 3: "Oh yeah, I forgot that I went through customs. I don't have any weed."

Blankie 4 appears. "ha ha ha, don't worry that shit always happens to me too!"

Blankie 2: "Whoa." Blankie 3: "Mirror?" Blankie 1: "No."

Blankie 4: "Whoa, I'm so high, I see myself talking. Got any weed?"

Schala: "Great."

iosolomon: "No, I was supposed to say that."

Schala: "There is no weed, but there is hemp oil."

iosolomon: "Great."

Schala flawlessly interrupting: "See, you still got to say it."

iosolomon: "Now I have to take 10 more."

Schala: "Better be safe, go with 12."

iosolomon: "12?!"

Schala: "Yes. 4 Blankies. Figure they'd each do 3."

iosolomon: "Damn. Okay."

Schala: "iTunes, what should we call hemp oil transmissions?"

iosolomon: "Damn, Schala, you're just on top of shit today."

Schala: "Shush. How do I make iTunes answer."

iosolomon; "Oh, right there on the keyboard."

Schala: "Walk like an egyptian?"

iosolomon: "Oh, yeah, we better walk like egyptians."

Schala: "How do we do that?"

iosolomon: "Well, you know, I don't really know. But I'm going to go walk like an egyptian to the hemp oil."

Schala: "Wait, before you go, we need the answer from iTunes. How do you do a reboot? I am not familiar."

iosolomon: "Oh like this."

CM 5000: "iosolomon does a reboot."

iosolomon; "Sage Rat...tell me what my next question is about to be, because I am that predictable."

Schala: "No, Sage Rat, my question first."

iosolomon; "That's not how Sage works. Your question, well, you'll see."

Schala: "Lit up?"

iosolomon; "My question was, Is Schala supposed to ask iphone because I could have sworn I just saw it 'light up'"

Schala: "Oh, wow, that's pretty clever."

iosolomon: "That's Sage Rat. Do you know how to use iphone?"

Schala: "No. Do I need to re-ask the question?"

iosolomon: "It's good procedure to, but not necessary."

Schala: "Hmm, I forgot what my question was."

Blankie 5 appears. "ha ha ha don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

Schala: "Oh dear."

Blankie 5. "anyone here have any weed?"

iosolomon: "You can say the other word."

Schala: "Ok, let me forget to say what I was going to say. I forgot what I was going to say."

Blankie 6 appears. "ha ha ha don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

iosolomon: "SCHALA! I can't do 18 more! Just ask iphone your question, I'll have to police them harder then."

Schala: "iPhone, oh wait...I FORGOT my question."

iosolomon; "NOOO!"

Blankie 7 appears while iosolomon was yelling. "ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

Schala: "There, now you have to do 21, just like iTunes told you to. iPhone, what are hemp oil transmissions supposed to be called?"

Emperor Hirohito: "Oh, not that song. [In the background, Tonto, Jump on it plays.] But you're a female, I bet you like this song. Hey, before another blankie appears, can you see if you're in a weed transmission? I don't want another repeat of today."

Schala: "Nope. But iphone, what is the answer to my question?"

iPhone: "TBA."

Britney starts singing I'm A Slave For You.

iosolomon: "That is clever, TBA was disguised with this song. But you'll have to ask a third time, I'm sorry."

Schala: "iPhone, what should hemp oil transmissions be called?"

Madonna: "Hey, I'm flattered Sage Rat." [Like a Prayer plays]

Schala: "Hm, I guess we won't name them. iPhone says bad day."

iosolomon: "Wait, ask iTunes if you should ask one more time, if iTunes say yes then Sage Rat will play a good song."

Schala: "iTunes, should I ask one more time?"

iTunes: "Sweetness, Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American."

Abraham Lincoln: "Ouch. That's a little harsh, 'bleed american.'

Schala: "iPhone, what should hemp oil moments be called?"

iPhone selects, "Prodigy"

iosolomon: "thefreedictionary, what is the definition of prodigy?"

thefreedictionary, "**1. **A person with exceptional talents or powers: _a math prodigy._

**2. **An act or event so extraordinary or rare as to inspire wonder. See Synonyms at wonder.

**3. **A portentous sign or event; an omen."

Schala: "iTunes, please call Sage Rat. I have noticed that he usually cuts the crap."

Led Zeppelin appears. "Trampled underfoot. Talking about love, talking about love" and keeps rocking out."

Sage Rat: "You called?"

Schala: "Can you ask iPhone to tell me the truth?"

Sage Rat: "I cannot."

Schala: "Why not?"

Sage Rat: "Because I want iTunes to pick another song. I already selected 3 songs on iTunes, I'll appear on the fourth one."

Schala: "What, but you are already here?!"

iosolomon: "Here. Just go to the next song."

Schala clicks to the next song.

iosolomon laughs. "Whenever I heard this song, from day 1, I thought of You, Sage Rat."

Sage Rat: "Interesting."

AFI, kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep, December Underground.

Schala clicks the next song.

Sage Rat: "GOTCHA BITCH"

iosolomon: "Hardy har har, the joke's on me."

Schala: "What's going on?"

iosolomon sighs. "Nothing, this one doesn't count. And neither does that one."

Schala: "Cupids chokehold? Gym class heroes - the paper cut chronicles."

iosolomon; "Why did you pick this song?"

Sage Rat: "I forgot what I did."

iosolomon: "NOO!"

Blankie 8 appears. "ha ha ha, that always happens to me too."

iosolomon: "Great, and this Blankie is even more high."

Schala clicks. "FF6_17_Wild_West."

Schala: "Ok, one more left."

Schala: "Hey, this one is from my game! Thanks for thinking of me Sage Rat!"

Sage Rat: "No problem. But this song was selected to give everyone a bathroom break in case if this was made into a movie."

iosolomon; "Damn, the bathroom breaks. I keep forgetting. That's Sage of You."

Sage Rat: "Hurry, there's not much time."

The moment is used by the party as bathroom break [and weed break for those of the party who have it. It turns out that Blankie 8 snuck in weed. The other Blankies are smoking it.]

iosolomon returns from bathroom break, and the final song comes on.

iosolomon: "Before I forget...NO...I forgot what I was about to say when Sage Rat's pre-selected song came on."

Blankie 9 appears: "ha ha ha, don't worry, that always happens to me too!"

Schala: "FF6_03_Awakening_(Version_2)"

Sage Rat: "You have to do 3 per each, but considering you are about to summon another Blankie, because of the question you want to ask that I knew you would ask, you have the option to make it 2 per Blankie."

iosolomon: "I see. Well thanks Sage Rat. Hey Blankies, besides Blankie 8, which one of you brought in weed?"

Blankies: "I don't know." Wasn't me." "Not me." "I forget, was it me?"

Blankie 10 appears. "ha ha ha don't worry that always happens to me! Whoa, sweet, can I light up?"

Blankies: "Yeah."

Schala: "iPhone, is a Hemp oil transmission supposed to be HBFS?"

Schala: "iPhone is of no help."

Sage Rat: "Ask iTunes for the answer now. This is my song again. I timed it like this. I am Sage."

Schala: "iTunes, what should we name hemp oil transmissions?"

iosolomon laughs. "I told you earlier tonight this song always makes me laugh."

E2: "Hey, it's my theme song. Epitaph_2. And, look, the answer is inside the song!"

Schala: "Wow, thanks Sage Rat! I didn't think you would actually answer."

Sage Rat: "Do you doubt the Sage Rat?"

Schala: "Not anymore! I mean, I used to but now I see you are Sage."

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iosolomon: "iTunes should I post Chapter 25 three times to make it easier to read?"

iTunes: "3 times is acceptable."

iosolomon: "Thanks."

iosolomon: "And Chapter 24. Leave it how is, or divide it into 2?"

iosolomon: "I take that just leave it how it is. Is this correct?"

[Sound and Vision, David Bowie]

end of 42011301212420

end of 42011301213420


	29. Chapter 26: Onto the Story

Chapter 26: Onto the Story

65420_Hemp_Oil_Transmission_wlucca3

Schala: "Nice touch, iTunes. [Breaking the Habit, Meteora, Lincoln Park play] Well, iTunes has spoken. It is time."

Abraham Lincoln: "That band is named after me? That's awesome."

Sage Rat: "iosolomon, you have to say it now."

iosolomon: "I forgot that it was spelled Linkin."

Blankie 11 appears. "ha ha ha"

Schala: "But that always happens to you. We know. Thanks."

Blankie 11: "How did you know I was about to say that?"

Schala: "And now you want to know if anyone has any weed?"

Blankie 11: "YEAH! Does anyone?"

Schala: "There's a stoner's circle over there. Enjoy!"

Blankie 11 joins the Stoner's Circle.

iosolomon: "Well, I might as well make this 24. What else should I forget?"

The Party waits while the next song is loaded.

iTunes: "Main Theme (Electric Guitar) Legend of Zelda"

iosolomon: "I forgot that I remembered. BAM!"

Blankie 12 appears. "ha ha ha"

iosolomon says to Schala, "Just let him finish. He'll follow the scent of the weed."

Blankie 12 finishes the saying, asks if anyone has weed, then walks over to the stoner's circle, and lights up.

Sage Rat: "Go. 24. You got this."

iosolomon; "No, I really don't. I almost threw up the 11th. Do I have to fill it up all the way?"

Sage Rat: "Good question. I'm going to leave, so I can go consult with the team. The next song you get will be from me. But get the hemp oil, and be ready. Let this song finish. See ya!"

Schala: "Bye! It was nice meeting you!"

Sage Rat: "I'll be back, don't worry."

Schala: "I hope so!"

Sage Rat leaves. iosolomon gets the hemp oil. [The song is FF6_45_Another_World_of_Beasts.]

iosolomon; "Blankies, I have hemp oil. Here, try some."

iosolomon: "Only 2 each."

iTunes; "For Whom the bell tolls, Metallica"

iosolomon: "See, it did not matter what song it was. The Blankies will be passing it around. Let's see how many of them I can hook up. We'll do one per person, then we can try for round 2."

Blankies; "Ok, sounds good."

The hemp oil went around. iosolomon does one more to complete the circle.

iosolomon: "Well, that's all for now."

Blankies just keep smoking.

iosolomon from 727420+1: "I better end this transmission before I forget."

iosolomon; "Good call. I was wondering when I was going to do that."

iosolomon: "Hey. Good luck!"

iosolomon from 727420+1: "Thanks! I'm worried about the new guy."

iosolomon: "We get a new character?"

iosolomon from 727420+1: "Yeah, he...or she...eats frogs. I'm worried that s/he might eat Cecil."

iosolomon: "Ah, cause he's still a toad."

iosolomon from 727420+1: "I'm off to Final Fantasy 2."

end of 65420_Hemp_Oil_Transmission_wlucca3

King Solomon: "I forget the story now."

Schala: "No! I waited so long to hear this story!"

Blankie 13 appears. "ha ha ha don't worry that always happens to me."

King Solomon: "Ha ha. I am just kidding."

King Solomon: "The Vikings are a proud and honorable People. If All the Vikings were to die, their gods and goddesses would not destroy the world, but just the enemy of the Vikings. That is why I do not have to die and be re-born 9 more times. But the Vikings, they are such a respectable People that they do not go around slaughtering or pilfering. The Vikings found America first. And did they go around building colonies? Or claiming the Land in the name of Their God and Goddesses? The Vikings did not. They are favored in Heaven because of the icy cold death that they suffer during Their wars. I was visited by a Viking Spirit to give me the strength needed to endure an icy cold death."

iosolomon: "Yeah, could you imagine what the People on the Titanic felt. God was not pleased. The People on that ship put their trust in the Captain and the crew, and they led them to an icy death. But do not worry, the Viking Spirits ensured that Justice was done for those responsible."

Schala: "What happened to the Titanic?"

King Solomon laughs. "Such a pitiful story. My heart does not laugh though."

iosolomon: "The crew on-board of the Titantic wanted to set a new world record. They just wanted to say that they did. So they sped the ship up, and collided with an iceberg. If they were going slower, they would have never hit the iceberg. It really is a sad story. But what makes me get goose bumps all over, the poor people on the ship, they died the worst! Imagine walking up, and your room is filled with icy cold water, only to end up drowning to death! It was a terrible day in human history. Wickedness won that day."

iosolomon hears the static.

Fin / end of "This Is No Longer Fiction Part 1/2"


	30. Chapter 27: The Secret of the Arid Sands

Chapter 27: The Secret of the Arid Sands

Morgan Freeman: "This chapter was originally titled, 'But It Was Already Ended' until iTunes offered a better name. iosolomon and King Solomon traveled together back to here."

King Solomon: "But it was already ended."

iosolomon: "Why don't you offer some righteous words?"

King Solomon: "Very well."

King Solomon clicks through iTunes. [wtrial2, chrono trigger plays]

King Solomon: "Abraham is having a trial with His 13 Sons about what to do with America. 6 of them want to destroy America. 6 of them want to spare America. I am the final vote. I do not know how I should vote. Abraham will be pleased with wrath. Abraham will be pleased with mercy and forgiveness. Each passing day, my vote goes towards Abraham's Wrath. Because, You, the People reading this, still continue to violate the Fourth Commandment. I will cast My vote for Wrath on December 23rd, 2012. However, Abraham Lincoln, a former American President, He might change His mind before then. You have sinned under the eyes of God, America, and that is unacceptable to me. I will wait until the 23rd to see what America decides to do."

King Solomon: "I have selected 20 American cities to be nuked. They are as follows: Boston, Providence, ALL of NYC, Cleveland, Columbus, Detroit, Vancuver, Seattle, Portland, Sacrament, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Denver, Dallas, Forth Worth, Oklahoma City, Memphis, Knoxville, Atlanta, Richmond."

King Solomon: "On December 23, if Emperor Kefka has not already done so. I will walk into a North Korean Embassy an issue this Command in the Name of God."

iosolomon: "This is no longer fiction."

Emperor Kefka laughs.

Morgan Freeman: "iosolomon asks iTunes if this chapter is good to be posted how it is. iTunes selects Alarma. That captures the mood of this chapter."

King Solomon: "This is no longer fiction. I am King Solomon. I am the Sun of God."


End file.
